This is Epth Nation

Epth is a state of mind, not a place. Reading this will give you a virtual drivers license in that state, but you'll still need to be 21 to purchase alcohol. And you can't get any there anyway, so stop asking.

Monday, July 19, 2004

What is Epth Nation?

1) Epth Nation is not an organization.

2) (Which means, it's not a league, rock band, team, co-op, church, vehicle, troupe, commune, cult, gun club, glee club, association, lobby, thinktank, prison, business, fellowship, or any other place where 2 or more people have become joined to something for some purpose. And did I mention it's not a cult?)

3) Epth Nation is not a Nation.

4) Epth Nation is not a place in time or space.

5) Epth Nation is not another name for Wink Martendale, though the idea is open for negotiation.

6) Epth Nation is not a euphemism for "ice fishing", or "playing soccer".

7) Epth Nation is not an alcoholic beverage, nor a dispenser of such beverages, nor the town drunk, nor the village idiot.

8) Epth Nation is not a front for gun-running, or any sort front for any sort of running.

9) Epth Nation is not not cool.

10) Epth Nation is not your hamster, but it has taken over your hamster's free will. It is the hamster starter, twisted hamster starter.

11) Epth Nation is not weak and nerdy, as some have suggested.

12) Epth Nation is not God, god, a part of god, the "essense" of god, or any other concept that involves godhood.

13) Epth Nation is not boneless chuck roast.

14) Epth Nation is not misspelled.

15) Epth Nation is not "from the mind of Minolta"

16) Epth Nation is not a vague reference to J.R.R. Tolkein.

17) Epth Nation is not a restaurant that serves great Viking food.

The things we hold to be true.

We here at Epth Nation hold these facts to be undeniably true, and better than you are:

1) The Dallas Cowboys are evil.

2) So are the Los Angeles Lakers.

3) So are the New York Yankees.

4) The "Good Humor" man is watching you, right now, and he's not amused.

5) We have altogether too many boxes in our culture.

6) Contrary to popular belief, "wheat germ" is not 1/2 wheat, 1/2 germs.

7) There is nothing more annoying than feet -- they look stupid, they stink, they hurt.

8) The Best Man at a wedding should instead be called, "The Best Man the Groom Knows", for purposes of extreme accuracy.

9) Animals are born to be consumed by me.

10) Professional wrestling is not real, but it's gotta hurt.

11) People who wear suits to work did something wrong somewhere down the line.

12) There is no Santa Claus.

13) Aliens are on earth and are living in Appalachia. Oh, yeah, and they're really, really stupid.

14) If eveyone talked like they were from Brooklyn, there'd be a whole lot more fights in this world.

Well, there you have it. You now know absolutely nothing more about Epth Nation than before you read this initial post.That's the way we like it. We will say this, though: the best way to get to know us is by reading the things on this blog. At times, it may be unclear whether we are being sarcastic and when we are being serious. That's understandable. We're sure you'll get the hang of it, though.

THANK YOU FOR CARING.

Copyright 1993, 2004 Michael Pape -- don't you steal this, foo!

1 Comments:

  • At 11:50 AM, Blogger Mark said…

    Is it a gang? How many of you compose Epth Nation? How can I join? Glad to see that you like Duke!

     

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