This is Epth Nation

Epth is a state of mind, not a place. Reading this will give you a virtual drivers license in that state, but you'll still need to be 21 to purchase alcohol. And you can't get any there anyway, so stop asking.

Thursday, June 30, 2005

News, a Day Late.

Due to the massive amounts of work I've had to actually do at my "real job", Thursday is news day this week. But don't worry, I've got news from the last couple of days -- I may not even give you any current news.

(note: Most of the news links today will be from If you are asked to register, either a) register, b) use the username "Daddy" and the password "asd123", or C) get your own password from Bugmenot.

First of all, Texas Rangers pitcher Kenny Rogers went insane yesterday, attacking two cameramen and putting one in the hospital. The main attack victim was interviewed this morning by the station he is employed by and mentioned that nobody in the Texas Rangers organization has even contacted him. What a bunch of punks. This, for those of you who don't live in Dallas, is why nobody likes the Rangers anymore. I could do a whole column on this subject, but I probably won't ever get around to it. You see, I don't care about the Rangers organization either after sitting 3 hours in the rain the other day waiting for a game to be called so I can get a rain check. That's a small thing, but it showed me how they view the fans -- as giant walking $50 bills. The Rangers have Warner Bros. cartoon-vision.

Also, there was a 5-alarm fire (why are fires measured in alarms? What if there are no alarms around -- is there still a fire?) at the Biblical Arts Center in Dallas on Tuesday. Apparently, the Center holds many rare and invaluable Christian artifacts and pieces of art. I know my parents sure liked the place, especially the painting mentioned in the article, Miracle at Pentecost (it the one on the left). Take note kids -- never leave anything of value unattended in Dallas, even if it's 124' x 20'. Also hurt in the fire were some lithographs by my wife's new favorite artist, Marc "The Body" Chagall.

Repair efforts are underway, and the authorities still don't know who did it. Clearly, somebody did not want to see those artifacts on display. My main suspect at this point would be anti-Catholic "author" Dan Brown, but then again he's my main suspect in any crime I come across. Why'd you break into my next door neighbor's apartment, Dan? Yeah, I probably wouldn't make a good cop.

An Iranian hostage (remember back in the early 80's when hostages were kept for while and sent back, not beheaded on camera?) claims that the new Iranian "president" was one of his captors. Others, as they say, are not so sure. What this means for US-Iranian relations is unclear. Could they really be any worse? More on this story as it develops.

Oh, and you know that time recently when hackers broke into some database and stole like 40 million credit card numbers? One of them was mine, or so says my bank. They and I are keeping an eye on any unauthorized charges. Keep in mind, identity scum who stole it, that if this card is used without my authorization there is nothing that will keep me from finding/killing you. As far as you know.

Finally, teflon and gore-tex now cause cancer, apparently. We are all so dead. Pretty soon they'll be telling us that blogging causes cancer.

More news as it happens.


  • At 11:26 AM, Blogger EPH32021 said…

    That's why I root, root, root for the Yankees. Don't have to put up with that kind of silliness in NY. Other kinds of silliness--but not of the TXRanger variety. Perhaps that's why ARod left too. He just cared too much about the fans.
    BTW have ya'll seen the plans for the new Yankee stadium?
    check them out here:

  • At 12:41 PM, Blogger Brian said…

    Rooting for the yankees is like going to a casino and cheering for the house.

  • At 3:29 PM, Blogger Dan said…

    From what I can gather, the number of alarms a fire is designated as is how many times the must call for reinforcements. When the first station gets there and they aren't enough, they call for back up and then it's a two-alarm fire. You can figure out how it goes from there.

  • At 5:43 PM, Blogger Boom said…

    I can't possibly be the first to think it (perhaps the first lacking enough self-respect to share the thought rather than just have a private snicker and move on), but now Kenny Rogers can write a song for his son, maybe call it Coward of the County. "Promise me son, not to do..." I think it could be a hit.

  • At 6:50 PM, Blogger Mike Pape said…

    eph, ARod cares about as much about the fans as Ron Artest. Texas had to get rid of him to stave off fan mutiny.

    Brian, you're right. Who would do that?

    Dan, thanks for the explanation. Now how do we apply that to chili?

    Boom, I've been trying to think of a more appropriate Kenny Rogers song and I can't.

  • At 6:51 PM, Blogger Mike Pape said…

    Oh, and the death star made me giggle.

  • At 1:12 AM, Blogger Danny said…

    As for the whole cancer scare...well I have been told that there are AT least 20 known carcinagins in peanut butter alone. We are all so going to die. Also I would like to point out my favorite section of the wonderfully written USA Today story on cancer:

    Tests by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have found PFOA in the blood of 95% of Americans, though researchers don't yet know how it's getting there.

    PFOA is used in the manufacture of Teflon coatings on pans. It is also found in widely used coatings that make upholstery and clothing stain-resistant and in a grease-resistant coating on microwave popcorn and fast-food packaging among others

    Maybe they could figure out where the hell it's coming from if they would just read on a little. Great reporting...who was that Sean Penn sheesh.


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