Looking through some old stuff.

In order to find a specific something from my college days I thought I had saved, I found a bunch of my prior writings, some of which are fairly recent but most of which stretch back to my college and high school days. I realized that I could increase my postings exponentially during this Christmas season if I would just type some of that stuff out (and maybe even edit it a little as I go).
There's even a little poetry in there! Don't get excited, it's very bad poetry. It's so bad I'm not sure it even qualifies as poetry -- it's just weirdly-shaped prose. It does involve cats, though, so I guess I'll post it here as part of my secret Operation: Cat Smear, which is not nearly as secret as it used to be.

Highlights:

• A review of The Phantom Menace written from the point of view of an idiot (not me).

• "Top Ten Things You Never See at Concordia University" (written with Brian Fibiger)

• Old columns from my college newspaper.

• My 7th grade report on the excretory system, which ended up not quite long enough so I had to tack on a "tour" of the bowels from the point of view of a piece of digested food.
• My Senior College Seminar on "Self-Esteem Theology." It was the crowing achievement of my college career. I'm serious.
  
• A one-act play I wrote for my "Ancient World" class in College. It involved the various Roman Emperors and other important Roman figures getting up on a podium in front of the rest, one by one, and explaining why they were the most important figure in Roman history. The others would then heckle viciously, and the whole scene ended in a big fistfight. I wrote it in one night (3 hours' time) and got a 96%. My roommate was in the same class, worked on his (super-serious) report for two weeks, and got a 98%. I told him that there's no substitute for creativity, which didn't really help.

People get ready. Also, I didn't see it, but I think my 1st grade story about a deer that gets revenge on hunters is in there, too. I sure hope so. That was the first true indicator of how warped my mind was. Is.