This is Epth Nation

Epth is a state of mind, not a place. Reading this will give you a virtual drivers license in that state, but you'll still need to be 21 to purchase alcohol. And you can't get any there anyway, so stop asking.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Aeon Flux Comes Out Today.

I don't understand why those Hollywood bigwigs even bothered to make an Aeon Flux movie. If there was ever a concept that was made for an indie film or a "B" movie, Aeon Flux is it. How can they hope to duplicate the insanity of the giant baby? Or the David Bowie-inspired weirdness that permeated everything? Or the little animals with the pill inside them? Or the fact that Aeon would die at the end of one episode and be fine the next week? Call me a skeptic, but I highly doubt that they'll even try to be faithful to the original MTV show. They're clearly counting on the fact that nobody but me and a select few of my cohorts even remembers it.

Looking at trailers and the IMDB, there are specific things that trouble me about this movie:
  1. It could only be good if directed by a mad genius (such as Peter Chung, the creator of the original show). This movie is directed by the "mad genius" behind 2000's Girlfight. Did that movie feature David Bowie-inspired death machines? Cuz if it didn't, she's not qualified.
  2. Peter Chung sold the concept to these hacks, and is no longer involved in the creative process. This is like if Baz Luhrmann made an X-Files movie. Do we need a musical involving Skuller and Muldy? No.
  3. Instead of getting David Bowie to play the lead in David Bowie World, they got the guy who played Celeborn in "LOTR:ROTK." What is David Bowie doing these days that you can't line him up for this?
  4. I don't see any "Giant Baby" listed in the credits.
  5. Neither do I see "AJ Robar."*
  6. Neither do I see a "Humanoid with a Crotch that Goes Up to its Chest."
  7. It appears the movie has a linear plot. Why would Aeon Flux have a linear plot?
  8. It also appears that, after the movie is over, I will unfortunately know What The Heck Just Happened. A good episode of Aeon Flux would never allow me to know that.
  9. There are 53 characters in this movie, according to the IMDB. Unless they all get killed, there's not going to be nearly enough violence.
Still, I'm probably going to see it tomorrow, and I can't wait for the disappointment.

*This joke is so inside, I kinda wonder why I even bothered with it. Suffice it to say that there was this guy at my high school that looked like one of the recurring characters on the show. Now you know. Don't expect me to explain another inside joke. That was a freebee, because I love you.

5 Comments:

  • At 7:47 PM, Blogger Michael said…

    Well, if you go see it, let me know how it is. I've decided to never go see another movie unless you like it. I'm tired of wasting my money for crap movies. At least if you give it two thumbs up, I'll probably like it.

     
  • At 8:57 PM, Blogger Mike Pape said…

    Mike, you should know something before you give me such a great responsibility: There are very few movies I actually see, and even fewer that I actually like.

    We didn't go today, because we had too much crap to do. We're planning on seeing it next Saturday.

     
  • At 4:02 AM, Blogger Brian said…

    There was one time long after the show had been over when they played an Aeon Flux marathon on MTV--everything all in a row. I caught it somewhere about halfway through, and stayed up late watching the whole rest of it. When I got to school the next morning (high school, that is) I told Dan and Steve that I had stayed up stupidly late watching an Aeon Flux marathon. So had both of them! Creepy. I still don't remember ever knowing what was going on.

     
  • At 9:49 AM, Blogger Lord Bif said…

    Ah, fun times, if only Brad read this blog.

     
  • At 8:58 AM, Blogger Mike Pape said…

    Brian -- I watched all of them many times, and I don't know what was going on either.

    Bif -- What's the deal with Brad, anyway? Is his computer still broke? He needs to be on the internet. It's just not the same without him.

     

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