This is Epth Nation

Epth is a state of mind, not a place. Reading this will give you a virtual drivers license in that state, but you'll still need to be 21 to purchase alcohol. And you can't get any there anyway, so stop asking.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Various Lindsey Lohan - Unrelated Items

I realized last night that my reprehensible Papa John's area manager, Man Bob Bill, is fat. He's so fat he waddles, in fact. I can't believe I didn't realize this until now. I mention this solely to take an unprovoked shot at him.

Speaking of fat, I'm fat, too. But at least I don't waddle.

Speaking of not waddling anymore, Jennifer Garner and her Alias are on tonight, part of the series-ending blow-out that ABC is putting on just for me. Last week, the show's audience increased to 7.5 million viewers, or roughly 1/3 the viewership of House. Fricking House. Since when is that a hit show? Anyone -- is this show any good?

Random, probably overly dramatic and yellow attack on the Bush Administration, because this is America: Bush thinks software piracy is worse than assaulting a police officer, and equivalent to creating/selling child porn. Isn't it great to live in a sensible Christian nation like this? Bush's priorities always line up like this:
1) Lining the Pockets of the Fat Cats with their Corporate Greed.
2) Big Business
3) Business
4) Family
5) The Mexican Vote
6) Not Looking Like a Moron

If you view everything he does through the glass of these 6 priorities, everything starts to make sense.

Because the 9/11 victims aren't fat cats, they're facing opposition to their plans of getting a memorial built for the passengers of United Flight 93. But hey, at least they got that movie coming out to keep them pacified. Also, don't forget about Snakes on a Plane -- that's at least tangentially related. Keeping the memorial isolated to those two films will save taxpayers 10 million over the next four years. It's nice to finally see some fiscal responsibility out of Republicans these days, isn't it?

Finally, in the "So-and-so spare got a book deal but I didn't department:" A teenager named Kaavya Viswanathan wrote a lame Young Adult novel with a long title that "borrowed" as many as 40 passages from another Young Adult author, Megan McCaffery. What does this mean?

1) Never trust a teenager under any circumstances, especially if they're writing novels at age 17.
2) If you're going to "borrow" from a book, don't repeat verbatim phrases like, "170 specialty shops later." What's wrong with "184 specialty shops later"? Or "170 overpriced stores for vapid capitalist pigs like you later"?

As an editorial aside, I see nothing wrong with borrowing phrases from other, better books. It's called a homage, people. Get with literature and put down your plagiarism pointy finger.

It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times. Stupid monkey.


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