U.S. News -- no fricking World Report, though
US NEWS: Our infrastructure is eroding, and that's not only because of Dan Rather's retirement. But hey, it's not all bad -- Solid Waste gets a "C+". Congratulations are in order, so good job, toilets.
Quentin Tarrantino is in preliminary talks to direct the next installment of "Friday the 13th". I've been thinking about this for 2 minutes and I still have no idea if I like this. Why couldn't the Broccoli people just let him do James Bond like he asked? I'm sure this slasher thing will fall through, too, because apparently nobody in Hollywood wants to make any money. Can you imagine a Quentin-directed Bond? As the Sports Guy would say, who would be against this?
Part of my problem is that I refuse to report news I find uninteresting or just flat-out hate. You won't see me report about the Jackson Trial or the Robert Blake Trial or Russell Crowe being targeted by Al-Qaida in 2001 as part of their "destabilization" plan. I don't care about cell phone viruses or volcanic ash or anyone with the last name of "Bolton" either. So that cuts down my US News today. I'm sorry about that.
Oil prices are staying at a ludicrous level these days and there's no relief in sight. Why don't we mandate fuel-efficient cars? Why don't we drill for some more oil here? I hear Alaska has some. Screw the marmots. Why am I paying twice as much for gas as I was 5 years ago? Ok, I apologize for the anti-wildlife rant...but something needs to be done about this!
Finally, be on the look out for Middle-Easterners, especially if they have the last name "Sanchez", or are trying to speak in a Spanish accent.
Quentin Tarrantino is in preliminary talks to direct the next installment of "Friday the 13th". I've been thinking about this for 2 minutes and I still have no idea if I like this. Why couldn't the Broccoli people just let him do James Bond like he asked? I'm sure this slasher thing will fall through, too, because apparently nobody in Hollywood wants to make any money. Can you imagine a Quentin-directed Bond? As the Sports Guy would say, who would be against this?
Part of my problem is that I refuse to report news I find uninteresting or just flat-out hate. You won't see me report about the Jackson Trial or the Robert Blake Trial or Russell Crowe being targeted by Al-Qaida in 2001 as part of their "destabilization" plan. I don't care about cell phone viruses or volcanic ash or anyone with the last name of "Bolton" either. So that cuts down my US News today. I'm sorry about that.
Oil prices are staying at a ludicrous level these days and there's no relief in sight. Why don't we mandate fuel-efficient cars? Why don't we drill for some more oil here? I hear Alaska has some. Screw the marmots. Why am I paying twice as much for gas as I was 5 years ago? Ok, I apologize for the anti-wildlife rant...but something needs to be done about this!
Finally, be on the look out for Middle-Easterners, especially if they have the last name "Sanchez", or are trying to speak in a Spanish accent.
posted by Mike Pape @ 7:42 AM
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