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Epth is a state of mind, not a place. Reading this will give you a virtual drivers license in that state, but you'll still need to be 21 to purchase alcohol. And you can't get any there anyway, so stop asking.

Monday, October 17, 2005

Review: This Weekend's Football

There I was, sitting on my modular couch, bemoaning the U. of Wisconsin's defense and their total lack of heart, when they actually stopped the maroon Gophers on third down, which set up a punting situation with 35 seconds left. They would have about 30 seconds to move the ball like 40 yards. It was not impossible, but with no time-outs and QB John Stocco liable to throw the ball to a Gopher in this situation, things looked pretty bleak.

But before the ball could be put into Stocco's hands, the Minnesota punter fumbled the ball...then tried to kick it after picking it up instead of taking a safety...then Wisconsin recovered in the end zone...TOUCHDOWN!! WE GET TO SWING THAT STUPID AXE AROUND!! OW MY EYE!!

Seriously, though, this is the type of game that could seal their season. They are assured of a bowl game, even if they lose the rest of their Big Ten games (and I'm not even sure it's possible they lose to Illinois -- yikes are they bad), because they have the sure-thing pineapple game with Hawaii at the end of the season. It's a good thing they're doing well this year, because after Alvarez leaves they very well could be back to the bottom half of the Big Ten again. The guy who's replacing him, whose name is something like "Brett Beelumah," is the current defensive coordinator. Why are they hiring him? Because last year, when the decision was made, the defense was awesome. This year, they gave up half-a-hundred to Northwestern. This does not bode well for the future of the program. He'll be gone in two years tops.

The Wisconsin job is actually one of the best in college football -- just ask B. Alvarez, who walks as a god among the sports fans of Wisconsin. There's no pressure to win a national championship, you can recruit good players, and if you go 10-2 once every 5 years or so they'll love you. The system is set up so that 8 out of the 11 Big Ten teams gets to go to a bowl, so you'll get a berth in postseason play every year unless you totally suck. Doesn't that sound like a nice relaxing job for a great football coach? Then why is Wisconsin set on "Brett Beelumah"?

And that Notre Dame -- USC game...whew. Matt Leinart may have dated Kristin from Laguna Beach, but he's still pretty good at football. She didn't totally curse him. Now Talan, that's a different story. But I get the feeling that Talan is kind of a tool anyway. You would have to be, to take Kristen to the prom. Is it Kristen or Kristin? Nobody knows.

As for the NFL, when the Packer's aren't playing the only team I care about is my fantasy team, which was the victim of yet another Daunte "The Butcher" Culpepper meltdown yesterday. Mark my words...if he doesn't totally stink it up next week against the Packers, I'm trading him from my fantasy team. He'd better throw some more interceptions. Or else.

One final note: When an NFL game winds up in a tie at the end of regulation, why even bother playing overtime? Just flip a coin. That's basically what they do anyway. Sudden Death O.T. is bizarre and cruel -- the team that wins the flip wins like 2/3 of the time, because it's unfair. I guess the lesson would be, "Don't go into overtime unless you're prepared to lose unfairly." But why do we tolerate this? We have instant replay and the 2-point conversion, why can't we have better overtime?


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