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Epth is a state of mind, not a place. Reading this will give you a virtual drivers license in that state, but you'll still need to be 21 to purchase alcohol. And you can't get any there anyway, so stop asking.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

News You Can Depend On

New Chef in Town? -- From a source called "iAfrica" comes news of South Park. Is that show even on in Africa? Why do these Africans care about this? Anyway, Trey Parker and Matt Stone have a new voice for Chef, and it debuts tonight on Comedy Central. The identity behind the new voice is apparently a closely-guarded secret, but we'll put our news hounds on it to see if they can turn anything up. If not, we'll put them to sleep at the end of this post. That should build some tension, don't you think?

Microsoft Delays Vista, Shockingly -- From a source called "Red Herring" (my, they'll let anyone be a news outlet on Google these days. What is this, fish news?) comes news of Microsoft's next operating system and the inevitable delays it is experiencing. Turns out it's not going to be ready for consumers until at least January. This is bound to tick off retailers (as well as everyone else in the computer industry) because they obviously wanted that thing available for Christmas. Which brings up the question: Why are they delaying it? The most likely reason is that it's buggy and annoying, like Windows ME. The last thing America needs is a follow-up to that fishy computer OS. Epth Nation is keeping an eye on this, so you don't have to. Go back to eating those pork rinds.

In the Hopelessly Corrupt Illinois Political Arena -- Governor Rod Blagojevich (pronounced, perhaps slightly too whimsically, as "Blagoyovich") will be challenged by some lady named Judy Baar Topinka, which is more the name of a gypsy than a Governess. Governoress. Lady Governor. This is only important because I wanted to write "Blagojevich." Also, they're probably all corrupt, so good luck with all that, Illinois. May the sublime flatness of your state keep you warm as they appoint their friends to cushy public jobs and siphon money from the tax rolls.

This Just In, America -- I just walked past the break room TV here at work, and was disturbed to see Kenny Rogers (the singer, not the psycho pitcher) throwing down a disturbing hairdo. It's all hiply cut and combed forward, and he looks like either an old fashion designer or some pretentious actor promoting a film. Either way, he looks ridiculous. Looks like it's time to throw away all my old Kenny Rogers records. Another one bites the dust. Isn't there anyone genuine out there, who's not trying to sell me something?

THIS SPACE FOR RENT -- (sample product placement: Dandy Bars. You could reach as many as 30 pairs of eyes each day. Call me.)

We Should Be More Like the French -- In nerd news, as reported by some guy named Xinhua English, the French Parliament voted 296-193 to force Apple to allow their iTunes-compatable "AAC" files to be played on every mp3 player in the world. This would also force other DRM-enabled tracks to be played on every mp3 player as well. The Xinhua article is great because of the bombastic quotes like "direct attack against Apple's intellectual property" and "Apple may pull its music store out of France." Guess what, Apple? If you do that, those Frenchies will just go to another online music store that wants their business. In short, this is a brilliant decision by the Parliament, and it makes me want to move to Europe where music and copyright laws are saner.

But then again...

My favorite quote from the Xinhua article: "If Apple were to withdraw iTunes from France, consumers would be left owning iPod music players that are "as much use as paperweights," the FT (Financial Times) report said."

Right. Because you don't get a copy of it with your iPod or anything. What does the FT think, Ipods will only play Apple files? Is it too much to ask for a little insight with your bombast? Sheesh, you'd think iTunes just came out last week or something.

That tears it, I'm outta here. But before I go -- hounds, what did you turn up?

Hounds: Ve haff found somesing, masssterrrr. Eet appearz zat zey vill be takink old Isaac Hayes zound bites and yooosing zem to voice zee "chef."

We'll see, hounds. We'll see. And what kind of accent is that, anyway? Bulgarian?


  • At 12:42 PM, Blogger moss said…

    I wasn't aware parker and stone were getting a new chef. It will be hard to replace hayes so it will be interesting to see who it is. Thanks for the update. You have some great blogs so I wanted to let you know of a new blogging site called VIP Its a new site for premeir bloggers like yourself. Check it out and keep up the good work.


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