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Epth is a state of mind, not a place. Reading this will give you a virtual drivers license in that state, but you'll still need to be 21 to purchase alcohol. And you can't get any there anyway, so stop asking.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

News to Make You Crazy

First of all, check out the TNT NBA Playoffs splash page. "Which one of these is not like the others..." Looks like somebody was counting on a Spurs win. Fools.

It's War: You may have casually noticed that the U.S. is under attack again, this time by alligators. Not only that, but they're attacking our weakest link -- young women. Did those scaly a-clowns really think there wouldn't be consequences? The gauntlet has been thrown down, and the humans are finally striking back. Let's just call this a warning. Gator-human truce negitiations are ongoing, and hopefully those sea-dwelling monsters got the message, and will cease eating our young women.

More Ways for The Government to Track Us: Nike and Apple are coming out with an iPod/iShoe combo that will display a runner's distance, time, pace, and calories burned on the iPod screen as he/she runs. While this is cool, it's just another way Bush and Co. can use to compile a huge database of information. First spending habits and e-mail contents, and now running stats and musical tastes. What's next? Exploiting the victims of hurricanes.

Now, on a serious note, do I really believe that the Bush administration is out to collect as much information as possible about us, in the service of some nefarious scheme? Yes and no. It's too complicated a topic to get into right now, but I believe Bush himself just wants to stop terrorism at all costs. It's the people around him I don't trust.

Lloyd Bentsen died. He said Dan Quayle was "no Jack Kennedy." That's all he did, because he was a politician.

The problem with this post is I just don't have time to get into all the news that drives me cray today. Here's a list, to save time:

1) Osama Yo Mama disavowed Zack Moussaoui today, saying the crazed non-Mexican had nothing to do with 9/11. Of course, there's the little matter of the evidence....

2) We're killing Taliban like alligators in Afghanistan.

3) "Experts" are predicting another crazy/unbeautiful hurricane season, bringing up the question of why they didn't just tell us this 5 years ago, so we could have avoided moving to Texas.

4) The FBI raided a Congressman's home and found $90,000 worth of bribes or soon-to-be-bribes in the freezer, but all congress can say about it is that the FBI raid was somehow unfair. I guess they think that Congresspeople are above the law. I say, let's search all their houses. Methinks they doth protest too much. For real.

5) American Idol is the #1 show in America, and it's not even close. At least its a family show, and not Date my Mom.

6) They're tearing up all of Michigan in an attempt to find the dead body of Jimmy Hoffa. This looking like "Al Capone's Vaults" to anyone else?

7) There is no 7).

3 Comments:

  • At 12:44 PM, Blogger Flybeard the Sailor said…

    Michael,
    I'd whole heartedly appreciate more "Diaries of a Pizza Delivery Man." Whole heartedly.

     
  • At 6:43 AM, Blogger Mike Pape said…

    Yes, I should probably get away from that stuff. Now that LOST is over, and the NBA is petering out, and the long summer of baseball and new jobs and hopefully a house and God knows what else, I'll be able to do more stuff like that. In the meantime, how about a recap of a movie where a bunch of dwarves crucify a monkey?

     
  • At 6:43 AM, Blogger Mike Pape said…

    What I meant to write was, "get back into that stuff."

     

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