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Epth is a state of mind, not a place. Reading this will give you a virtual drivers license in that state, but you'll still need to be 21 to purchase alcohol. And you can't get any there anyway, so stop asking.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Wacky News for You

Four years ago, Paul McCartney of the rock band "Wings" took as his second wife the prettiest wooden-legged woman in the world. However, as we all know, the pretty ones always break your heart. They are separating after 4 years of marriage. The link is to a Dallas Morning News article that doesn't explicitly mention the freaky fake leg but is still pretty funny (in a sad way, of course.) It begins:
LONDON - Former Beatle Paul McCartney and his second wife, Heather Mills McCartney, said Wednesday that they are separating after nearly four years of marriage, blaming intrusion from the media and insisting their split is amicable...
Their love just couldn't overcome the media's intrusion? Was the media seducing them? That doesn't make sense.
Mills is a former model and a vociferous animal rights campaigner who recently traveled with McCartney to eastern Canada to fight that country's seal hunt. The couple met in 1999 through Mills' charity, the Heather Mills Health Trust. She launched the trust after losing a leg in a motorcycle accident in 1993.
So losing a leg in a motorcycle accident caused her to start a charity? That doesn't make sense.

I just wanted to point out to my 30 readers that none of this makes sense, starting with her leg and ending with this separation...unless there's more to it than just "the intrusive media." Maybe they actually had differences that could not be resolved. Or maybe -- just maybe -- she just stalked him, used reverse psychology to prevent him from getting a pre-nup, and is now carrying out her plan to get millions of dollars for her spurious "slightly delaying the death of animals" charity. Never trust the pretty ones, Sir Paul.

In other, really local news: Gas prices are still at 3 bucks a gallon, so please don't forget to tip your pizza delivery drivers. There may be ramifications if you insist on stiffing us. Now, not from me -- I'm a Christian who believes in forgiveness. But we just hired a guy who just got off the boat from Iran, and boy is he surly. I'm just sayin'.

Spam Wars: This is truly the golden age of spam, as hundreds of thousands of "zombie computers" have been compromised and are being used to send unhelpful e-mails throughout the world. One firm fought back, but the Big Russian Spammers destroyed them. Check out this Washington Post article, which gives the details. Is there a spamming mob now, based in Russia? Is this where all the money paid to ends up -- in the hands of these lunatics? They can now shut down whomever they want by spamming their servers. Who's next? You? "The Children?" Vladimir Putin, be "Putin" a stop to this madness!

Obviously Doctored by Karl Rove and the Jews: Yesterday, images from the security cameras outside the Pentagon on 9/11 were released, showing a plane hitting the building. Maybe now you conspiracy freaks will believe that a plane actually did hit the Pentagon. Maybe now we can move on as a country. Maybe now you can give up your conspiracy theories about 9/11 move on to bigger and better conspiracies, like your unrelenting belief against all logic that the Da Vinci Code is real. Or maybe you can just give up conspiracy theories altogether and try to live in the real, actual, world with the rest of us.

I gotta go do some work now.


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