This is Epth Nation

Epth is a state of mind, not a place. Reading this will give you a virtual drivers license in that state, but you'll still need to be 21 to purchase alcohol. And you can't get any there anyway, so stop asking.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

House Hunting = A Failure

It seems we're giving up our house hunt for the year. You Milwaukee people who want us to move back have won this battle, at least for now. Our last real effort was a week ago, and those lovely homeowners decided they were going to sell their house to someone that wasn't us. That makes them our enemy, but of course we've been taught to love our enemy, even when that enemy causes hours of effort to go for nothing. Kinda like the Mavs and the NBA refs. Anyway, we're out of this apartment at the end of the month, so we now have the opportunity to move wherever the heck we want with no mortgages or 80/20 loans or foundation problems. So we asked ourselves, "Where do we want to live?" The answer was always the same:

By white people.

Just kidding. The answer we came up with turned out to be none other than the exploding area of Valley Ranch in Irving, home of the Dallas Cowboys team office (at least until the grandiose new stadium gets built in accursed rich Arlington). The area is expanding, the apartments are 6 years old, and the people around us will be clean and fresh like a just-wiped newborn. The location is insane: Check out the things that will be within walking distance (1/2 mile or so): A brand-new movie theater, a Sam's Club, a Super Wal-mart, several newly built restaurants, Office Max, a Fry's Electronics, a very rare Taco Bell/Pizza Hut/KFC combo ("Yes, I'd like a personal pan pepperoni with a five-piece original recipe, and a chillito on the side."), and some other semi-useless things I can't think of right now.

It's also in very close proximity (under 2 miles) to more restaurants, a Kroger, a Barnes/Noble, a Target, and practically everything 2 people need to get by in this world.

And going up to a radius of 10 miles, we have 2 big malls, 2 lakes, the busiest airport in the world, the shiny new buildings of Las Colinas (think an extra-new downtown area built in the middle of nowhere for no reason. If you remember, Lawrence in Office Space had to do the drywall of a McDonalds there, requiring him to get his a** up at 6am every day.). It's amazing what moving 12 miles West will do for you. Y'all should try it, unless you live in Benton Harbor or something.

We're also way closer to Fort Worth than we used to be, while not being that much further from Dallas. If you lived here, you'd understand why that's good. In fact, it might be easier to get to the AAC (where the Mavs play) from this direction.

Oprah is currently allowing American Idol failures to pollute our 4th of July American airwaves with bad renditions of Stevie Wonder songs. The weird part? My wife's watching it. This is against everything she stands for.

Some astute observers out there will recognize that our first apartment in Dallas was within walking distance of a Fry's, a Sam's Club, and a movie theater. But that one also came with gang fights, Friday night "Fast and the Furious" re-enactments, complimentary move-in crap on the floor and painted-over roaches in the kitchen, and neighbors that silmutaneously break their toilet and start their apartment on fire. I don't think our new place has any of that. I'll have to remember to ask the Manager.

We move the 23rd-30th of this month. Addresses will change, and will be forthcoming to those of you who deserve it.

Of course I'll have to get a different pizza job (maybe at a super-rich Papa John's in Las Colinas!), so I'll be out from under the thumb of Man Bob Bill and Underwear Guy and the Curves Nazi...what will this blog do without them?

In closing, three words: Indoor basketball court.


  • At 2:49 PM, Blogger jill said…

    I was only momentarily sucked in. I'm fascinated by Stevie Wonder these days, ever since I saw on the Top Whatever BET Awards Moments his performance where he got up and danced a choreographed number with other dancers. I mean, he's blind. Fascinating.

    New jobs

    + new home

    = Are we even the same people?

  • At 3:58 PM, Blogger Mike Pape said…

    We still have the same dog.

    When she's gone, who knows?


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