I've Got Some Questions For You

Why do girls like shiny things so much? If they liked them even a little bit less, they would be a lot less expensive, and they could buy (or be bought) more of them. It's simple economics. Can't all you gals get together and take a break from worshipping jewelry for a couple of months, for the greater good? I promise there will be many more baubles on the other side...

Wait...you're right, trying to get rich teenagers to postpone any gratification is like trying to get Terrell Owens to admit any wrongdoing. Forget it. The jewelers have won this round. Maybe the next generation of girls will be less rigid in their materialism.

Of course you know I'm not referring to you, my female readership. I love you guys. Girls. Women. Stateswomen.

Why is there a dead bug on this glass desk? At least it's dead, but it's still a bad sign.

Why did thieves steal six urine samples from a Waukesha lab? As a follow-up question, why does the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel feel the need to come up with headlines like this? Ok, so it's kinda funny. But still, this is a serious daily newspaper, not the New York Post.

In this day and age of $3.00-a-gallon gas, how do kids still have the money to "cruise?" A new Culver's Frozen Custard on Hwy 100 on the South Side (pronounced "sout sieeede") of Milwaukee decided to drum up business by having a "Muscle Car Show," whatever that is. Well, people started showing up with their overblown muscle cars, and before the police knew it people were "cruising" up and down that stretch of Hwy 100 like they did when I was 12. Police hate cruising because they hate any gathering of people that doesn't have a real purpose. Ok, maybe they just hate any gathering of people. Culver's lost control of it, and now pandora's box of pointless cruising has been opened. Mmm...frozen custard.

Is Reggie White the greatest defensive football player of all time? Yes, but I'm biased because he came to my little college in Wisconsin and spoke once, telling us that Jesus was the only way to reconcile the races in America. I think there's a lot of wisdom in that statement. I'm sure I've gone into probably too much depth (that's "epth" with a "d") in the past about Reggie White and my conflicted view of him. On this day of his posthumous induction into the Pro Football Hall of Fame, I'll just celebrate his on-the-field superhuman-ness, and thank him for bringing several players and an NFL championship back where it belongs. I mean Green Bay, you ninny.

If it's 90 degrees outside, why does it feel like 105 already?
Ed. note: Epth Nation is angry -- ANGRY -- with Mr. Mel Gibson and his irresponsible behavior, and will not be asking any questions about him until this whole thing cools down. Normally, Epth Nation would be all over a story of celebrity worship and woe, but we actually like(d) Mr. Gibson. Nothing like letting your personal failings inject themselves into the "debate" on whether or not real Christianity is anti-semitic, and this when the Israelis are warring against our mortal enemies. Grr...