Netflix Diary -- Heart of Glass

Heart of Glass
(You are getting sleeeeepy.)
(In the most harsh-sounding language ever, Hars aus Glas)
(No! I'll talk! Just Put Away that Hurdy-Gurdy!)

It is one thing for a film to be interesting, and quite another to be good. Those are 2 completely separate concepts, often having nothing to do with each other. I mention this because this peculiar film was made almost completely with actors under hypnosis. That's right, they're all hyp-mo-tized. Now, does this sound like an interesting movie? Yes, of course -- especially with Werner Herzog directing. But does it sound like a good movie? Ahh...not exactly.

And so it goes...another filmed experiment light on plot but heavy on people staring straight ahead. Did I say another? I meant one. This is a totally unique movie, for one big reason -- I can't see anyone but Herzog wanting to make a movie like this. You would need a director with a vast and unhealthy interest in hypnosis, for one thing. How many of those are there? And how many directors would dare to make a movie this slow? Well, Gus Van Sant would...and David Lynch...but who else[1]?

Now, this is not to say that it's a bad movie, or a waste of everyone's time, or a ridiculous vanity project. Herzog comes close to all 3 of those at times, but he's so good that the experiment by and large works, and you come away from the movie affected in the ways he wants you to be (or the ways I suspect he wants you to be). Driving the story mostly with abstract ideas rather than concrete plot, it hypnotizes the audience (sort of) and brings them along for the ride. That the ride doesn't really go anywhere but to the town's gradual destruction is a moot point. The point of a journey is not to arrive, lame-o[2].

The film starts out with 2 minutes of cows in blue-o-vision (which has become popular in the days since this film's release in 1976), and a man we'll call Sitting Man sits and watches them. Sitting Man has a name, but that's not important right now. Werner Herzog's favorite music group[3] "Popul Vuh" plays all Pink-Floydy as the Sitting Man watches overblue scenery like rushing water (clouds?) with painted scenery in the background and foreground[4]. In time the plaintive strains of Popul Vuh change from Floyd to a more atmospheric version of 38 Special, finally settling on mid-70's Yes-like art-rock feel. This all takes 7:45, and Herzog mentions on the commentary track that it's meant to get the audience into a hypnotic trance of sorts, with the original idea being that Herzog would come out in front of the screen with a pocket watch and tell people that they're getting sleeeeepy -- listen to the commentary track if you don't believe this -- but he deemed this use of mass hypnosis too irresponsible. What he meant to say was silly. Too silly.

The pleasant scenery/Yes concert ends and 4 men come to Sitting Man, whose real name is Hias (I kept wanting to call him Len Hias[5]). They tell him that they have seen "giants" coming toward the city (which I don't know the name of but it's the main city in the film. From now on, it will be known as "the City"). The last guy to speak, who looks stupider than the others, says, "He is sucking out our brains". Not "he will suck out our brains", or, "he has sucked out my brain", but "he is..." It's weird, because with all of them hypnotized and staring straight ahead, you believe him. Even though there are no giants, there is certainly sucking going on. I'm sorry, I couldn't resist. It was calling out to me, hypnotizing me.

Hias (portrayed by the only non-entranced actor in the movie) then shows us his power, which is telling the future. He prophesys that 2 men will walk over this one bridge, and they do. Ooo dang[6]. And this conversation, like all conversations in the movie, is in German. What a ridiculous language. It should be disbanded for the umlauts alone. I mean, it's all gerbenflue[7]ben this and gemuetlikite that. Don't get me wrong -- I come from German ancestry. I love the German culture, but that language sounds like the precursor to vomiting. Getting past that is a hurdle no recapper should have to face, but I jumped it anyway because I have really huge quad muscles, mentally speaking.

So, these 2 dudes (probably from Nose City[8], if you get my drift) are sitting in a dark bar, with only a spotlight on the 2 of them and their beers. They are fighting, but it takes you a while to realize it because being entranced and emoting cannot peacefully coexist in the same human. Which is to say, they are just staring straight ahead and ponderously threatening each other. It doesn't even seem like a fight -- they're just talking about who would die if So-and-So fell and Nose Guy fell on top of him. It's something we find out later, rather humorously. But it makes no sense yet.

Cut to Old Man Giggle, who is giggling as he reveals the main plot engine of the film -- "Muehlbeck[9] is dead and no one knows the secret of the Ruby glass." Apparently this Mule dude died and didn't let anyone know how to make the one thing that was keeping the town from going bankrupt. That nobody thought to ask him would be a plot problem, if everyone in the town weren't staring straight ahead like mental patients incapable of independent thought.

Of course, the fact that the Ruby glass is no longer able to be produced is the thing that's causing the town's malaise, or so Herzog implies. The people are a superstitious, mystical people who believe in brain-eating giants, so it's not clear if the problem is psychological (all in their heads) or real (spiritual). Hey I've got a game...2 guesses on what the glass is supposed to represent. No clue? Hint: look at the film's title. Ahh...now you've got it. Clearly this is a crisis of heart, which (metaphysical theories on the soul aside) Herzog associates with being in full control of one's faculties, i.e. not hyp-mo-tized. The only person with heart in the film is Hias, and he is the one who sees the future while the others go on living life like they have always done despite the fact that the Ruby glass is gone. They have no heart -- they are husks, like the glass itself. Thus, "hars aus glas".[10]

Ok, with that confusing and probably wrong film-theory crap out of the way, we can get on to the fun stuff -- the weird stuff. First of all, there is ugly Ruby glass everywhere, in every house, on every table. Clearly, the town has had an abundance of the stuff the past few years. Again, nobody thought to ask Muehlbeck how to make it?

Nose Guy smashes his beer mug over So-and-So's head. He just stares at him[11]. See? This was a fight. A hypno-fight, no less.

At this point I realized that it's easy to space out and miss stuff (maybe I too was entranced) -- I almost didn't see the gigantic book that Old Man Giggle's servant, a man we'll call LMFAP[12] (because he looks like the dancing dwarf from "Twin Peaks"), was closing as we meet the second main character in the movie. He's Old Man Giggle's son, and he is hypno-pissed that nobody knows the secret of the Ruby glass. He comes close to actual emotion as he's talking about it, in fact. He's the nut[13] of the film. Here's his thought progression...

1. Gugl (not the search engine, a glass maker) thinks he has the secret of the Ruby glass!
2. He doesn't. Well, lets get that prophet Hias in here to read the dead man's brain. He has the ability to do that, right?
3. He doesn't. Well, I'll have to tear up Muhlbeck's possessions on the off chance he just misplaced it in the couch cushions.
4. Well, that didn't work. I'd better have the couch sent back, and while I'm at it turn the river waters red. Let's destroy all the glass we have left in the river!
5. Ok, they people I sent to the river just kept the glass and plan on hocking it. Clearly, I've been going about this all wrong. The "Ruby" part of the glass must be made with human blood. Time to kill a girl and make up a ritual for it off the top of my head.
6. Ok, that made me feel bad. I'll burn down the factory! That'll make me feel better!

See what I mean? Nut job. That 6-point plan takes up probably half of the movie, as Son of Giggle contemplates things, holds his head, and acts really sleepy but also really crazy. It's the kind of thing you can only do when you're hypnotized. So, that experiment, at least, was a hill-resounding success. Congrats, Werner, you've come up with the first sedate psychopath.[14]

The other half of the film deals with Hias and his prophesying to the people, and their ignoring him and staring straight ahead. Some of the more memorable characters are:

• Nose Guy and So-and-So, who fall one on top of the other and Hias predicts that the one on top will still be alive, the other dead. The problem is, they both appear dead. Only a literally rousing game of "dog vs. pitchfork"(and I mean that exactly like it sounds. Seriously, rent the movie just for that game...you won't be disappointed) can wake up the top guy, who happens to be Nose Guy.
• Man/Woman, so named because you see her mother(?) try to get her out of bed in the morning, and you can only see her bare butt while she's lying on her stomach, and she has man hair -- really short -- and a man-like cartoonish face(she actually looks like Robert Blake in Lost Highway[15]), and so you assume it's a dude. But then she gets up and she has these gigantic boobs. So she's the Man who turns to woman, or Man/Woman. She's a member of the Muehlbeck clan whose couch is taken away by Son of Giggle. She also finds the "bodies" of Nose Guy and So-and-So, and screams exactly once. It's creepy. She also is a part of the big finale, but we'll get to that later.
• The UnderActor, who said the thing about the giants sucking out his brain, and later on says, "The sun is hurting me.[16]"
• Ludmilla, an attractive[17] servant of Old Man Giggle who Hias tells basically to get out of the city while she still can but of course she ignores him and she ends up playing the part of the Girl in the Son of Giggle's Ruby-blood harvesting "Kill the Girl" ritual.
• Hurdy-Gurdy Player, who plays this authentic instrument from like the middle ages called the Hurdy-Gurdy, which sounds rather like a yak being strangled. Or a comination kazoo/table saw. Worst instrument ever, hands down. Banging a cat against a door would be more melodic. And the Player's strangled German voice doesn't help things, either.
• Straight Flush Guy, who carries his cards fanned out in his hand at all times even though he's not really playing cards with anyone.

So it comes out (when Gugl thinks he knows the secret) that the old man has been sitting -- as in, occupying the same seated position in the same chair -- for 12 years. No wonder he's giggle-crazy. He takes delight in Gugl's failure, much as we all took delight in the failure of Google's IPO[18]. He eventually gets up at the end of the film to watch his glass factory burn down, giggling all the way. He's refreshing. He's like the anti-Microsoft. We need more hypnotized executives that hate their own companies in this world. There would be no need for unions.

So, midway through the film the prophecies of Hias take center stage as a counterpoint to the madness of the Son of Giggler, and he predicts: the factory will burn down, Ludmilla will die, a volcano will erupt, World Wars I and II[19], and a bunch of other apocalyptic stuff. Right after he talks about what seems to be a volcano, the film goes back into the hypnotic blue terrain of the beginning, complete with fake Yes. But now the terrain changes to more geyser-like, more yellow. The music changes to what we find out later is authentic middle ages music. What it sounds like is a combination of "Dueling Banjos" and opera[20]. I didn't realize banjos were so popular back then.

Hias anticipates Son of Giggler's calling him to read Muehlbeck's brain, and he shows up and tells the crazy man he probably won't be able to do it. Then starts the slow finish of the film, where Hias sits in this bar in the town for like ever and the Hurdy Gurdy player cames to him and ruins my life with a crappy song. Straight Flush Guy is there. Nose Guy says he misses So-and-So, and as he is going on about the dead guy Man/Woman comes into view from the right side of the screen holding a duck. I don't know if the duck is also hypnotized, but it isn't doing any flapping or squawking like a normal duck would if it was being held by a total freak. She stares at Nose Guy[21], and a hand comes onscreen from behind Man/Woman, index finger pointing downward. The finger reaches the top of her/his head, and she/he spins around using the finger as an axis and goes out of the frame. It's the weirdest moment in an already weird movie. I had to rewind that -- did a finger really spin her out of the scene? Was she really holding a duck?

Anyway, Nose Guy comes back with So-and-So's corpse and starts ballroom dancing with it, the men somehow convince still-with-duck Man/Woman to get up on the table and dance naked[22], the Hurdy-Gurdy takes some more years off the life of my eardrums, and there's a general sense of craziness in the air. It's about this time that Son of Giggler kills Ludmilla with some help from the LMFAP, who locks the poor girl in the room with the madman[23]. And then he stands there listening to this one dude play the harp as a painting of Luther falls off the wall (Apparently the harp is great music to kill by, according to Son of Giggler). Of course, when the factory is burning down, the creepy LMFAP comes into the bar and yells, "Ludmilla", not like in a covering-his-butt kind of way, but more like he doesn't remember being an accessory to her murder. It's weird, and you realize that the LMFAP is as crazy as the Son of Giggler.

I guess I should mention that when Hias prophesys, his eyes glaze over and start blinking. On second thought, strike that. It's not important. Also, there's a part near the end where a bunch of glass blowers blow glass, and the movie suddenly feels like an instructional video on glass blowing[24]. At one point somebody makes a glass horse. Ahh, the simple beauty of the pointless knick-knack.

The factory burns down and the townspeople blame Hias, because he predicted it. Actually, they throw both the culprit (Son of Giggler) and the prophet (Hias) in the same enormous subterranean jail cell. 2 and only 2 things of note happen in that cell: We learn that Hias can't prophesy when he's not out in nature (which is why he sits and watches cows all day), and the Son of Giggler tells Hias he likes him because he has a "Heart of Glass." This poignant moment is completely lost on the audience, whose brains have been battered into a rudimentary hypno-paste by weirdness for the better part of the previous hour. Why was she carrying a duck anyway? What does this all mean?

Hias gets out of jail[25] and wrestles an invisible bear[26] he meets in a cave. He kills and cooks (!) that invisible bear (in a scene reminiscent of watching an actor fight a CGI monster before the CGI is put in), and prophesys all sorts of crazy stuff about the end of the world. Now, you might think that's how the movie ends, but you would be wrong. It ends like this...

A man who looks like Abe Lincoln live on a rock in the middle of nowhere, basically, and he stares out to sea, convinced that the earth is flat and the sea must end somewhere. He gets some buddies up there to stare with him and they eventually decide to try to row to the end of the world. The "dueling banjos meets opera" musical group plays at their big send-off, and the 5 men sail off to their doom. Some nearby seagulls go out by the boat and flap around. A message appears onscreen that says, "The men took the birds as a good sign..." and left it at that. In reality, we know that the birds were waiting for them to die, so they could eat them. So, it's like the gradual destruction of this glass town wasn't depressing enough -- we needed more hopelessness and death. But hey, the shot of the island of birds going nuts at the end is really, you know, top-notch.

The film is an interesting experiment, but ultimately falls victim to its own hypnotic pacing and Keanuized actors. I reccommend it only if you like weird movies with no real purpose. Now, when I snap my fingers you will wake up with no recollection of this movie, especially the dude with the huge boobs carrying the sedated duck.

*Snap*.

---

[1] Well, ok, a lot of directors would, but they wouldn’t combine it with a bunch of people in the background just creepily staring into air. That’s what makes the movie unique.

[2] Copyright long time ago, William Shakespeare or whoever. Re-registered 1986, N. Peart.

[3] As evidenced by his use of them for like every movie he’s done. They’re kind of an orchestratic pop/rock band, with a wide variety of instruments. They’re like the Polyphonic spree on valium without the OverSinger or any real melody.

[4] It’s blotchy blue/green scenery, creating an almost apocalyptic effect, which goes with Siting Man’s narration about the end of the world.

[5] After Len Bias, late basketball player for the U of Maryland, whose death probably saved the world from another 3 Celtic championships.

[6] At first I was thinking that a main issue of the movie would be whether or not Hias was full of crap. It turns out he’s about the only thing in the movie we CAN count on.

[7] I don’t feel like inserting the umlauted characters in, so I have added the traditional “e” after the vowel sound to indicate the two dots. Oh, what the hell: ü.

[8] Copyright 1979(?), Python (Monty).

[9] See footnote 7, actually Mühlbeck.

[10] I am certain, after reading this paragraph 3 times, that it makes absolutely no sense. I left it in because I really like it, especially the word “husks”.

[11] How dumb am I that at this point I still didn’t figure out that the two guys were hypno-fighting? I only realized it when they turned up dead/pseudodead.

[12] Little Man From Another Place. D. Lynch came up with the name, alt.fan.david-lynch came up with the acronym.

[13] Which is really saying something.

[14] The second probably being Hannibal Lecter, but I haven’t really thought it through.

[15] The so-called “Mystery Man”, or “MM” in alt.fan.david-lynch.

[16] Ok, I must admit I’m doing this recap 2 weeks after seeing the thing, and I don’t remember who said the phrase. I think it was this dude, though. The quote was all alone in my notes, just sitting there.

[17] The only attractive girl, in fact, in the entire town. Talk about dyadic power.

[18] Sorry, too timely. But I couldn’t resist. It’s the hypnotism again.

[19] Or at least it seemed like it. It was a little vague. Not Nostradamus-level vague (Hister and so on), but not real specific. Which is funny, because this movie was made in 1976.

[20] I know that sounds crazy, but it’s true, I swear.

[21] Like, right up in his face. She just walks up to him and looks at him. It’s weird, I tell you.

[22] A cynical man might suggest that Herzog has her naked in two separate scenes because she has enormous jugs. Nobody else gets naked in the movie.

[23] That’s a weird scene, too – Son of Giggler gets a harpist to play in the background, and LMFAP locks the door as Ludmilla runs to it. I thought for a second that LMFAP was actually locking him in, away from her. But she dies, so I guess I was wrong.

[24] Really, more like one of those bits on “Sesame Street” where they show 70’s footage of a bunch of workers doing a particular job. In this case, glass-blowing, obviously.

[25] Presumably because he’s not guilty of anything, although that’s never expressed.

[26] That’s right, an invisible bear.