NBA Preview

Sports Ignorant NBA Preview 2004

This NBA season looks to be the wildest in recent memory. All the player movement – and superstar player movement, at that – has created a situation where we really have no idea what’s going to end up happening this year. In the East, there are 3 really good teams, just like last year. But the Heat have replaced the Nets in that Triumverate because of Shaq going to Miami and the Nets deciding to lose from now on. In the West, the Spurs looks like the best but there are 11 other teams potentially breathing down their necks. Only 8 teams will make the playoffs, so that conference will be interesting indeed, and somebody’s fans (read: Jack Nicholson) are going to be pissed that their superstar-laden team isn’t in the East, where bad basketball is encouraged.

Eastern Conference

Atlantic Division (Number is place in the conference, teams are listed in divisional order)

6. New York

8. Boston

10. Toronto

11. New Joisey

12. Philadelphia

Hardest division to pick. Knicks have the most talent but also the most baggage. Boston is reliant on Gary “ingrate” Payton, who is done. They have the 2nd most talent though. These teams could theoretically end up in reverse order in the end, easy. NJ doesn’t want to win, so they will fall further than any other team this year.

Central Division

1. Detroit

3. Indiana

5. Milwaukee

9. Cleveland

13. Chicago

Chicago will never be good again as punishment for winning all those titles. That, and their best player’s a midget. Detroit and Indiana will slug it out again this year. I’m extremely skeptical of Stephen Jackson, Indiana Pacer. Milwaukee, my team, will again overachieve in this crappy conference. They would be the 12 best team or so in the West. Equation: Lebron + nobody else = 9^th.

(Brand-New Craptacular) Southeast Division

2. Miami

4. Orlando

7. Washington

14. Atlanta

15. Charlotte

Okafor and Gerald Wallace do not equal Kobe and Shaq, and make Charlotte the worst team ever. Atlanta’s the most selfish team ever. Everyone knows Shaq will save Miami, but Orlando will make a huge turnaround thanks to Western talent (Francis/Mobely), a draft pick (Howard), and a returning Grant Hill. Washington has a lot of good big guys and should make the playoffs in this conference.

Western Conference

(Brand-New Fun) Southwest Division

1. San Antonio

3. Memphis

5. Dallas

7. Houston

15. New Orleans

SA is by far the best potential team in the conference, though there are wolves at the door. Literally. Memphis may seem high, but that’s just because I am. Dallas finally has a center and a revamped team – 5^th is an accomplishment in this bunch, believe me. Will Tracy/Yao be a friendlier Kobe/Shaq? Maybe. Will New Orleans win a game without Mashburn in this division? Again, maybe.

Northwest Division

2. Minnesota

6. Portland

9. Denver

10. Utah

12. Seattle

Puzzling division. Could have as many as 5 playoff participants or as few as 1. Portland is 6^th because they have as much talent as anybody in the league. Denver and Utah will just miss the playoffs, and Ray Allen will go crazy as lack of big people will force Seattle to “worst of the good teams” status. But it’s better than being the best of the bad teams, right? Minnesota could beat San Antonio if they are healthy and happy at the end of the year.

Pacific Division

4. Sacramento

8. Phoenix

11. LA Lakers

13. LA Clippers

14. Golden State

The chasm between 11 and 13 is huge here, don’t get too excited. The Lakers will fail because their 3^rd best player is Chris Mihm. Unless Kobe/Odom = Jordan/Pippen, it’s all over. The Clippers and State are horrible. Phoenix will score a bunch of points and become Dallas of the past few seasons. The Freshmkers are still alive and well, and possibly a threat. Is this their year? No, but don’t tell them that.

Playoffs: (Note the new system whereby the winners of each division get the top three seeds in the conference, regardless of how much they suck.

Detroit over Boston

Indiana over Orlando

Miami over Washington

Milwaukee over New York

Detroit over Indiana

Miami over Milwaukee

Detroit over Miami

San Antonio over Phoenix

Memphis over Dallas

Sacramento over Portland

Minnesota over Houston

San Antonio over Memphis

Minnesota over Sacramento

San Antonio over Minnesota

San Antonio over Detroit. Ooo dang.