Metrosexual truncated

So judging by the fact that nobody has asked me about this, there is no interest whatsoever in where I stand on this whole "metrosexual" thing. As far as I can tell, that term is like, so last year. However, I never got to tell you if I am one or not, and what I think it all means. That's what nobody pays me for. But I do it anyway. Understand? Bad.

Anyway, the first introduction to the term came in this Stacy Pressman column on ESPN.com. It's actually a poorly designed word for what she's describing. There's nothing "sexual" about it, and while urban areas may have more of them, "metro" doesn't really have anything to do with it. It sounds cool, so it became part of the vernacular. These men don't really fantasize about cities and their suburbs (as far as we know), they just use products and services on themselves (after paying ludicrous sums of cash for them) that women traditionally use, presumably in a misguided effort to feel more confident. Here's (for those of you who can't click on that link above, you fingerless freaks) the definition Pressman started her column with:

metrosexual (MET.roh.sek.shoo.ul) n. A dandyish narcissist in love with not only himself, but also his urban lifestyle; a straight man who is in touch with his feminine side.

To cultural observers, the most telling thing about a metrosexual is his love for himself and his lifestyle. I gotta say, that's a pretty good call, as far as I can tell. It's nothing other than misplaced self-esteem -- placing it in products rather than, well, other things. But what about the metrosexual lifestyle inspires such love and devotion? I mean, why is it a trendy thing to be a metrosexual who likes hair products and monoxodil and gayesque shirts* and and not, say, a metrosexual who just likes riding public transportation to and from "hot spots". Or maybe it's all part of it, the allure of "metro". Or maybe they look better, smell better, dress better, go to better places, eat better foods, and buy better skin care products, all of which makes them better people than others. Is that what this is about? A giant campaign to be individually hip? I'm just thinking out loud (if you're reading this aloud, that is) here.

I am wholeheartedly against Metrosexualism (again, not metrosexuality, because it's idealogical and not sexual), and try desperately not to practice it in my daily life. But I am also not a "manly man", as our culture defines it. I am neither one, nor in-between the two. I just don't have the characteristics of either. Here's a duo-list that explains what I mean:

NOT A METROSEXUAL

• hate fashion and fashion statements
• hate haircuts (I mean, have you seen my lack thereof? Plus the talking to people -- uggh.)
  
• hate buying clothes
• holy crap, I hate shopping of any kind.
  
• hate the ordeal of shaving
  
• hate the idea of buying clothes to look cool
• hate cologne or anything that isn't smell-neutral (oh man do I ever)
• hate seeing men who like any of these things, especially the products in the hair. And it's not because I'm "just jealous", it's because I have the sense that you're trying way too hard in a competition that makes you ultimately unhappy -- the competition to look better. I think, "how empty is your life that you have time to do that?"

NOT A MANLY MAN

• Never hunted
• Hate putting crap together using directions and power tools
• Hate work in general (red flag for you potential love interests out there. whoops, sorry, honey)

*one of said metrosexual shirts my brother-in-law (who is not, as far as I can tell, a metrosexual -- but you indeed never know) bought me for Christmas, which I wore to a New Years party and was told by my wife and several other people who are way more together about such things than I that it looked good. This event probably caused me to write this thing you're reading now. But really, you should see the collar on this thing. Like I said -- nice shirt, Pete, if you're reading this -- but I feel like I'm in some sort of costume when I'm wearing it. Jill affection for it will probably cause it to go in the rotation, though.

So, this doesn't make any sense, but I'm going to just post this as is and finish it later. I think it's going to be really good. I just have too much other stuff to write about right now, good and bad.
Massive restructuring at work. Hoogah.