All the News That's Fit to Mock
It's that time of week again. Don't you love it? How come nothing exciting ever happens on Wednesdays anymore? The top 4 stories on Google News are as follows: Some dude named John Ratzinger is looking strong in the Pope race (even though the conclave isn't voting yet); terror suspects are awaiting trial in England on charges they plotted to blow up Wall Street; Andrea Dworkin, of all people, died; 25,000 people were evacuated from their homes in Indonesia because they think a volcano might erupt. You have speculation, thwarted news, a death nobody cares about, and more speculation. It looks like it's time to dig like only I (and everyone else with the internet at their disposal) can.
Another non-story: Looks like your Crazy Uncle who won't use their credit cards on the internet was right to be afraid of identity theft, except for the fact that none of the "thousands of people affected" have reported any problems with their identities being thefted. Are the thieves just waiting around for the voices in their head to tell them what to do? Is it just one guy, who now has such a backlog of identities it will take him 4 years to get to them all? Just a thought.
The new album by Starflyer 59 is out. Hey, it's news. If I don't let you know, who will? The thing is, I have a bunch of those "free song" caps from 20-ounce bottles of Dew (8 and counting), and I would like to use them on this album. That would make me happy, especially since I've already replaced all the Joy Electric songs that were stolen from my car on a cold day in some month I can't remember right now. But even though the Starflyer album was released yesterday, ITunes is like, "It doesn't exist, holmes." I don't know why ITunes has to speak jive.
Japan is now joining in with Europe and the U.S. on the fun of legal action against music fans for sharing music with other people. I told you it was a slow news day. I just can't find anything. um, Britney Spears confirms what we all didn't care about: she's pregnant. Looks like it will be a while before she'll be able to fit into that schoolgirl uniform again. Let me state along with America that we don't trust this Federline guy's motives.
It's amazing how many people in Hollywood catch this disease. Somehow we thought Joaquin Pheonix was above all this, but no.
There's a City Council candidate in Mississippi who's signs are being stolen off the lawns of his supporters. Why? His name is Rick James. Of course, with a name like that who needs advertising?
And it's about dang time we started hunting cats. I'm so proud of my home state. I've always known that cats were a menace, and it looks like we are finally going to deal with our silent killer.
On that note, peace out.
Another non-story: Looks like your Crazy Uncle who won't use their credit cards on the internet was right to be afraid of identity theft, except for the fact that none of the "thousands of people affected" have reported any problems with their identities being thefted. Are the thieves just waiting around for the voices in their head to tell them what to do? Is it just one guy, who now has such a backlog of identities it will take him 4 years to get to them all? Just a thought.
The new album by Starflyer 59 is out. Hey, it's news. If I don't let you know, who will? The thing is, I have a bunch of those "free song" caps from 20-ounce bottles of Dew (8 and counting), and I would like to use them on this album. That would make me happy, especially since I've already replaced all the Joy Electric songs that were stolen from my car on a cold day in some month I can't remember right now. But even though the Starflyer album was released yesterday, ITunes is like, "It doesn't exist, holmes." I don't know why ITunes has to speak jive.
Japan is now joining in with Europe and the U.S. on the fun of legal action against music fans for sharing music with other people. I told you it was a slow news day. I just can't find anything. um, Britney Spears confirms what we all didn't care about: she's pregnant. Looks like it will be a while before she'll be able to fit into that schoolgirl uniform again. Let me state along with America that we don't trust this Federline guy's motives.
It's amazing how many people in Hollywood catch this disease. Somehow we thought Joaquin Pheonix was above all this, but no.
There's a City Council candidate in Mississippi who's signs are being stolen off the lawns of his supporters. Why? His name is Rick James. Of course, with a name like that who needs advertising?
And it's about dang time we started hunting cats. I'm so proud of my home state. I've always known that cats were a menace, and it looks like we are finally going to deal with our silent killer.
On that note, peace out.
posted by Mike Pape @ 6:25 AM
5 Comments:
At 9:11 PM,
Danny said…
Mike I didn't get a chance to research the cat thing all that much...but I am wondering, if they do legalize the hunting of stray cats in Wisconsin does that mean that it will then be served as "wild game" at all of the Chinese restaurants? Cuz that could like really raise the price of a poopoo platter, or even the sacred General Tsao's Chicken. Also, do you think that there will be a surge in new restaurants serving fine dishes like pheasant, quail, and a fresh CATch of the day? Oh boy, I really get myself goin'.
But honestly though; I think that the other news story about Japan joining in on the fun or arresting music piracy is a bit of a joke. So it says that they are going to break down on the P2P people; well I don't know exactly what that means, but I do know that Japan is a country that rents out new and old music in it's video stores and that they also sell cheap cd-r's and md's right at the check out counter. No piracy there...ah hooey.
At 12:47 PM,
Brian said…
At first, I misread that post and thought John Ratzenburger was looking strong in the papal race. I was pretty psyched about that, because he's Cliff Claven from Cheers. Not to mention the oft-missed Major Derliln in The Empire Strikes Back.
As for suicide bombers, I thought this looked a little mock-worthy.
As for stealing Rick James' political signs...I do find that funny. But I'm also the guy who stole a Morrissey for Mayor sign during the last election. A hipper, more indie version of the story, eh? It's actually not as funny, now that Morrissey actually won the election.
As a side note, Dan Magers thinks the Rockford City Council should be referred to as "The Smiths" until he's out of office.
That's all I got, but surely that's enough.
At 1:28 PM,
Paul said…
"As a side note, Dan Magers thinks the Rockford City Council should be referred to as "The Smiths" until he's out of office."
I might move back to Rockford for that :)
At 6:55 AM,
Mike Pape said…
So, maybe I missed this, but Rockford has a Mayor named Morrissey? Did that happen when I was there? You don't have to answer that.
I had heard that countries outside that US and Europe were overrun with real piracy (people burning discs and selling them, I mean). I don't know if they're just giving lip service to the Music Industry or what. I read an article I forgot about that was basically pro-piracy (in Mexico, at least) and said that these people had no money and their only access to good music was to get it and a taco on the corner from some guy with a trenchcoat. I'm not sure this has anything to do with Japan.
At 12:36 PM,
Paul said…
Dear Lord if they're were a taco and music STORE/RESTAURANT I'd be there all the time. Hells yes. Especially if they were the tacos from Extreme Bowling at Cherry Bowl in Rockford.
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