I'm Going to See Movies

Left:
Here's a look you'd never see from the real Susan Storm-Richards.

Yesterday in my daily contemplations (read: time when I'm sitting in my car delivering pizzas) I decided that I'm obligated to see Fantastic Four and comment about it, even though I'm 95% sure that I'll hate it. You see, as I've explained every time one of these Marvel movies comes out, I was a rabid reader of Marvel comics when I was a kid. I didn't know every nook and cranny of the Marvel Universe, but I knew most of it. It was like a big soap opera for kids with superheroes instead of spoiled rich people. All the different "titles" were related somehow, with crossovers and team-ups and all sorts of history being built up all over the place.

I didn't read much Fantastic Four. I was intimidated by it, I realize now. It was the classy flagship of the Marvel franchise. It was Stan Lee's first real venture with Marvel, and it had grandiose storylines like the Cosmic Cube/Galactus eating the earth thing and all the stuff with Doctor Doom. I don't mean to get into minutia here, I'm just remembering how it all seemed to me at the time -- impenetrable, like you had to be there from the beginning to really "get" it. I now know it was just comic books, but when you're 11 things translate a little bigger than they actually are.

Things eventually changed for the Four, starting with Susan Storm-Richards (HCBGOAT*) having a kid and being replaced for a while, The Thing getting his own title and unfortunately being replaced by the repellant She-Hulk (most decidedly not the HCBGOAT). They started tricking these things up when titles like The Uncanny X-Men and The Avengers took over, and this brought the class factor down a bit. They were still intimidating, though. Maybe I'm not explaining this right. Let me put it to you this way: The Fantasic Four were the original, and best, and everyone knew it, even when they were buying Spider-Man. I don't see how this movie will do anything but dishonor the memory of that great classy book. Especially when they cast Jessica "Honey" Alba in the Susan Storm-Richards role. That girl's as wholesome and smart as a bag of flaming crap.

Maybe I'll decide to reward myself (for getting out my jumbled and difficult-to-explain thoughts on the Fantastic Four) by not seeing the movie at all. I'll see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory instead. That'll teach 'em.

Plus, I've got Primer to watch. And watch. And watch.

*Hottest comic book girl of all time. And yes, I'm disappointed in myself for having this classification, too. Anyway, I can't explain it, but I just liked her -- In a comic-book crush sort of way.