Papa Johns Pan Pizza -- Is it Any Good?

Working at the so-called "Papa" John's affords me an opportunity to sample upcoming new products before they get sold to the public. For example, last night I got to try the brand-new "Papa's Perfect Pan," which they haven't started advertising yet. This means we are fully capable of making one, only nobody knows this unless they order online. No, it doesn't make sense to me either. Anyway, let's start with a few...

GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:

1. Papa's Perfect Pan is something that has been in the works a long time, which means they overthought it a little. This is understandable and not a big deal, since the crust and the taste are by far the most important things involved here.
   
2. Even though all of our other pizzas are circles, Papa's Perfect Pan is a square. It fits nicely in a square box, which is, you know, Perfect. On the other hand, it is cut in 8 pieces like a normal (i.e., circular) pizza. After cutting, many of the pieces resemble jagged teeth. Maybe they should have overthought this issue a bit more. There's a reason why no pizza place in the history of man has cut square pizzas into triangles (unless it's part of some sort of scholastic geometry lesson) -- it makes for pieces that can only be described as unwieldy. Nobody likes to eat food that's unwieldy. Just ask the leg o' lamb people.
3. One reason it took Papa John's so long to come up with Papa's Perfect Pan is the price -- the crust costs more than twice what the thin or regular crust costs.
4. It is thick, filling, and probably militantly unhealthy. For this reason, don't expect to eat more than 2 pieces in a sitting. It's a lot like a gallon of milk -- it may look like something you could tackle in an hour, but it isn't.
5. It's cooked on a pan as opposed to in a pan, so it cannot be accurately described as "deep-dish." There is no dish.
   

THE GOOD:

1. The crust is unhealthy, like I mentioned before. But it tastes yummy. And that's really all that matters, isn't it? It's a pretty standard deep-dish crust. If you like Pizza Hut's Pan Pizza, you'll like this. That's really really all that matters to the Papa. Papa needs sales badly. Papa about to die. I think this'll create some buzz.
   
2. The new "Zesto"* sauce is so good it makes me wonder why Papa bothers with their other sauce at all. The sauce is chunky, and not because it hasn't been stirred properly. My Manager Guy told me you could "put it over pasta," which is kind over overstating it, but you get the idea. It's a big improvement. Again, people will like this.

THE BAD:

1. The price is $1 more than a large, which is pushing it. I know this is to offset the cost of the crust and sauce. I also know that Papa will never drive up sales with a lower price, because they just don't want to try anymore. This is stated corporate policy. Of course, this is a business issue that has nothing to do with the pizza, which is great.

So, my verdict is: The pizza is good, but only for the wealthy or people with coupons. Try one of these tasty slabs and you'll want another one...and another...and another, until you're the size of one of those giant glowing snowmen people put on their front lawns during the September-Febuary "Christmas" season.

*I can't remember the actual name of the sauce. I think there may be another syllable involved. Fortunately for us, they didn't name it "Zestabulous" or something. It's some generic Italian-sounding name.