This is Epth Nation

Epth is a state of mind, not a place. Reading this will give you a virtual drivers license in that state, but you'll still need to be 21 to purchase alcohol. And you can't get any there anyway, so stop asking.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Reasons to Love the USA

I love the USA, and so should you. There are so many great things about this country, I can't even begin to list them all. So I'll just list some.

Side July 4th Note: "Born in the USA" by Spring-Steen is not a patriotic song. It's all about the dark side of America and how Bruce was sent by the USA to "a foreign land to kill Spongebob" or whatever. I know it's cool to like Spring-Steen, and it's only natural to want to play his all-american rock-n-roll on this most American of days. But stop playing this particular song, because you're just embarassing yourself and all US citizens who know better.

Great Things About the USA.

1) The Space Shuttle didn't blow up this time.

2) We're moving to a totally awesome apartment in a swanky neighborhood.

3) People can stay alive long enough to recover from devastating brain injuries.
4) We aren't threatened by "rebel warlords," whatever they might be.

5) We can have an entire sub-section of people who feel like they're being opressed, and yet no revolution happens because the oppressed have enough stuff to be considered rich in most of the world, and deep down they know it.

6) Prominent windbags can say, "We're not eating until we lose this war!" and go on a fake hunger strike, and everybody just kind of rolls their eyes and gets back to work. Other countries wouldn't tolerate this kind of crap, let me tell you.

7) On a related note, the other members of New Edition haven't killed Bobby Brown, either.

8) Our young people have been literally drinking themselves stupid for decades, and yet we're still around.

9) "Stars & Stripes Forever" is awesome.

10) This is Epth Nation is coming upon it's second anniversary, and I haven't gotten fired from Papa John's yet. As Yakov Smirnoff would say, Vaht a Contree!

Having said all that, my writing career really needs to grow this year, because I'm tired of not being able to take vacations without feeling guilty about the money I'm leaving on the table. I'm tired of watching movies and feeling like they have to be good or I'm wasting my precious time. I'm tired of not being able to read a fricking book once in a while. America is beautiful, but it's really kicking my butt right now.

Beer makes me sweat. This can't be a good sign.


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