Hairstyles From Which My Male-Pattern-Baldness Saves Me

I'm going bald quickly, and that's a bummer because there's no way around it. If I just let it go, I'll look ugly; if I fight it with combovers or pills or balms, I'll look pathetic. Maybe it's time I look at the positive side of this hair-losing. Here's a list of hairstyles I can never inflict upon the world:

• The Mohawk
• The Hair-Helmet
• The Mop Top
• The Bush of Hair, and it's smaller cousin,
• The Shrub, and it's larger cousin,
• The White Man's Afro
• The Combed-Forward Neanderthal, and it's more labor-intensive cousin,
  
• The Hair Plastered Forward Like You Were Just Walking Backwards in a Windstorm
• The Hair Band
• The Feathered Back Like Farrah Fawcett
• The Bowl
• The Slicked Back Coach
• The Meticulously Messed-Up
• The Steve Nash Just-Washed-But-Still-Greasy
• The Mark Cuban
• The Dreadlocks
• The Lightly Frosted
• The Spaghetti-Head
• The Sensitive Ponytail Guy
• The Standing Straight Up Due To Products
• The Everything Combed Towards the Middle
• The Kirk Hinrich
• The Donald Trump

Looks like I'm the lucky one after all, eh? No, you're right, I'm still not.