TV Last Night

I saw the premiere (which is a strange looking word) of Joey!*, the new Friends spin-off, last night. It's a fairly standard (read: unoriginal) sitcom, but probably the most accurate way to assess it is to say that people who like Friends will probably like Joey!. It seems to have been written by the same hit-or-miss hacks.

The problem with the show is Joey himself, who was the Friends character (besides maybe Monica) most dependent on the other "Friends" for meaning. Take him out of that show, and all of a sudden he makes no sense, somehow. What's the use having a Joey if there's no Chandler to make fun of him? That's what I'm saying.

Joey! also stars Some Dude as Joey's nephew that moves in with him, and Some Girl as Joey's married corporate scum blonde neighbor who Joey thinks is hot but isn't so. Joey's wacky agent is played by the "Me, too" girl from the movie A Mighty Wind. Only like 3 people in the world would get that reference, my wife and I being 2. To the other one, if you're out there -- comment on this, and we can get together and go bowling.

The current standard of trashy-hot, Drea De Matteo("Deadrianna" from The Sopranos), stars as Joey's wacky boobified hairdresser sister. Didn't he have like 12 sisters on Friends? Where are the others? And how sad is it that I've probably seen every episode of Friends, many at least 5 times? I don't even like that show. Channel-flipping is ruining my life. I need set my TV to the History Channel, and just stay there. I wonder what kind of person you would turn into if you kept watching one particular channel constantly. Would your brain be totally warped? Here are some possibilities of what you would become:

MTV: Sex-obsessed liberal moral relativist, or a total hoochie.
Fox News: Obsessed with how liberal or conservative a station is. Also obsessed with lip gloss.
CNN: Obsessed with like 4 national news stories every day...unaware of any others.
History-Channel: Know-it-all history weenie or conspiracy theorist.
NBC: Obsessed with Law and Order
CBS: Obsessed with Crime Scene Investigation
ABC: Obsessed with ugly wacky jerky guys who are inexplicibly married to hot women.
Fox: Obsessed with the lowest common denominator, paranoid that all animals are primed to attack at any moment.
UPN: You would, after 3 days, look down and realize that you have actually become black.
WB: You would, after 3 days, look down and realize that you had actually become a stupid teenager.
Spike TV: After watching Star Trek followed by Boob Bouncey Hour, you would be a letcherous nerd. Who loves James Bond.
Lifetime: Man-hater who thinks all husbands are abusive. Also a WNBA fan.
TLC: Obsessed with improving other people's homes without them knowing.
Animal Planet: PETA member, animal anthropomorphizer.
ESPN: Obsessed with hip ways to refer to things...can only watch sports highlights, not the sports themselves.
Disney: Think all teens are whip-smart, beautiful, and precocious.
Nickelodeon: By day, you would regress to toddler-hood, with the gaga googoo and all that...by night, you would be obsessed with the 60's and 70's.
CNN Headline News: Obsessed with make-up and hair helmets.

That's all I got, for know. Soon will be the Fall TV Preview! Shows that will last 3 weeks and then be cancelled! I can't wait!