This is Epth Nation

Epth is a state of mind, not a place. Reading this will give you a virtual drivers license in that state, but you'll still need to be 21 to purchase alcohol. And you can't get any there anyway, so stop asking.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Proper News Coverage.

Ok, that last post doesn't really count as "full news coverage." We need some more...

Sometimes news is so muddled that you don't know what to believe, or why. Take all the news about Iran resuming its insane nuclear program. Are they threatening? Are they trying to build bombs? Are they trying to power their cities more effectively? What does "enrichment" have to do with it? Stone Phillips needs to do an hour-long special on this so I know what's going on. In the meantime, here's a muddled international news article. Maybe you can get more out of it than I can.

Let's say you're on the Michael Jackson jury and you want to decide the best course of action. If you get creative, you can vote to acquit under pressure from the other jurors (so you get home faster), then write a book detailing your deep regret over the decision. That way you win on every front, and the crazy Michael Jackson lady gets to tearfully release her poor abused doves of injustice. The link is to a disturbing MTV News article, which names Paul Rodriguez as the jury foreman who threatened to throw the two old jurors off the jury if they didn't vote to acquit. If the two would have let him, they could have written a book that really matters. Also, Paul Rodriguez is probably a common name, but could it be?

We're so desperate for another Bonnie and Clyde we're making this couple into media stars. "Jenny and George" is what we'll call them on Court TV for the next decade.
And I've got a question for you -- How do you know your life is wheels-off? You're shooting at some prison guards to help your husband escape from jail.

A word of advice: When you're carjacking somebody, makes sure that person isn't a Grammy-winning recording artist. Marc Cohn, who is most remembered for his "Walking in Memphis" claptrap and most hated for his other tune I can't remember the name of* that people play at weddings, was carjacked and shot in the head. His evil assailant is now in custody because Marc Cohn is important, or at least important enough for the police to chase down somebody who shoots him. The guy who did it was probably distraught over people calling him "Bactine," and turned to a life of crime.

Jill, I think it's time to stay out of the sun.

Ah, high school kids. You need to keep your eye on them every second, or they'll pull one over one you. Check out this article, it's pretty funny.

As Technotronic would say, that's where my love ended. If you need more news, listen to stinking Paul Harvey.

* "True Companion" is the name of the song. My wife loves it, but it's super gay. Cohn is married to noted newsbabe Elisabeth Vargas, and you just know he played that song to extort love from her.


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