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Epth is a state of mind, not a place. Reading this will give you a virtual drivers license in that state, but you'll still need to be 21 to purchase alcohol. And you can't get any there anyway, so stop asking.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Something Called Texas Hold Them

My winning ways continued last night when I beat 7 other people at the game called Texas Hold 'Em at a party thrown by my wife's school board. Earlier in the week, I had won $150 in a drawing. I really don't feel like explaining what sort of drawing it was, but I will say that my name was in a hat, and it was pulled out, and now I'm getting a check in the mail. Combine that money with the $40 gift certificate for Picasso's Pizza I won last night at the poker game, and I've won a grand total of $190. Not too shabby. (For IRS purposes, I disavow this paragraph.)

Oh, and for the uninitiated, Texas Hold 'Em is a type of poker game where you get two cards and you try to make the best poker hand out of those two cards and the 5 cards the dealer put on the table. I'll spare you the breathless blow-by-blow account of my win, a la:

"My heart pounded like a jackhammer as the dealer laid the card down. This was for all the chips. I felt like Maverick in that bad movie, "Maverick." I needed a 5, any 5, to get a straight. No risk, no reward, right? I could have sworn the dealer winked at me as the card revealed itself to be my 5 -- the five of diamonds. They say diamonds are a girl's best friend, but any girl who talks to diamonds should be committed. And anyway, I won that hand and grabbed all the chips, and slowly gave the finger to the losers that were gathered in a circle around me. They all hung their heads in a mixture of shame and respect. At that moment, I was a poker god. Their poker god."

No one wants that. I will tell you that my strategy was a strange mixture of not bluffing and getting really lucky. I played it pretty straight, having no real idea of what I was doing. My personal belief is that Texas Hold 'Em is like 90% luck, and I could have just as easily crashed and burned. I can't imagine watching this game on TV, unless the participants were really hot chicks and making dumb mistakes all the time.

Speaking of dumb mistakes, it is T-minus two days until the season premiere of My Super Sweet Sixteen on MTV. I'm honestly wondering if it's an idea that's still viable, or if it's played out. I mean, how can they possibly find someone more spoiled than Ava? If they do, how can we be sure it's not all an act just to get on MTV? The more I think about it, the more I'm fearing its potential suckiness. Plus, are the parties really going to be any different or better than last year? If you've seen one $250,000 party with a crawl room and a tennis court and steak, you've seen them all. I'm sure it will be ridiculous, though, and totally recappable.


  • At 8:59 AM, Blogger Dave said…

    Hey, your bro-in-law and your nephews watch Hold 'Em on tv, and your nephews play it with each other all the time. They'll have to school you, IF you ever come to visit.

    As for the hot chicks, check out Celebrity Poker on Bravo sometime. They've had Shannon Elizabeth and others, and as for hot chicks that don't know what they're doing, all you have to do is watch.


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