Overheard News

First things first. About halfway through my recap of Grizzly Man, I realized my mistake. It was impossible to suitably capture the real essence of the movie, because it was all contained in the main character's crazy earnest voice. No amount of words could properly describe him. So, what I thought would be a great candidate for a Netflix Diary turned out to be a total boondoggle. I still ended up liking it, but it took for more time and work than I ever imagined it would.

Second things second. Valentine's Day was yesterday, and if you're like me you finally took down your Christmas decorations. We're officially out of "holiday season" at the Pape household and into "birthday season" which leads quickly into "march madness." Don't think I forgot about the madness, folks.

AND NOW: THE OVERHEARD NEWS -- NEWS OVERHEARD ON THE STREET BY SOME DUDES WHO DON'T REALLY HAVE TIME TO CARE ABOUT NEWS OR GET THE FACTS STRAIGHT.

Dick Cheney Kills Some Dude
The Vice President and Real Leader of the United States, Richard "Dick" Cheney, stone cold killed some dude in the woods last week. They were out there huntin', and Dick was all, "Yo man, you sold me out." The dude was worried, because he knew that nobody messes with D.C. and gets away with it. "No, man -- you got it all wrong -- it was Rumsfeld..." After that, witnesses reported hearing at least 30 shots. They say Mr. Cheney always carries an Uzi with him for just such occasions. The witnesses called 911, and the police rushed to the scene. As they came upon Mr. Cheney, they realized how rich and powerful he was, and just gave him a citiation for not having a proper hunting license. As the policeman handed him the citation, Mr. Cheney just looked him square in the eye and said, "I'm hunting humans now."

The dead dude, some old guy, was rushed to the hospital but died, presumably from massive blood loss or fear of the Vice President. He was old. The funeral is soon.

Cartoons Driving People to Burn Things
Holland has a secret weapon in the works, and all of Europe had better be ready. Some Dutch guy has come up with a cartoon that drives people to form angry mobs and burn things. A Dutch defense spokesperson confirmed that the cartoons do exist, but denies that they have any use other than to poke fun at the foibles of Islam. But you don't have to look very far to see that the cartoons have had quite the effect on huge masses of people. Be afraid, be very afraid, of the Cartoon of death. What to do if you find yourself in an angry mob after reading a cartoon:
1) Stop being angry.
2) Put the torch down.
3) Quietly back out of the mob, making sure nobody notices. They're liable to turn on you next!
4) Read "Family Circle" instead.

More news later, if I get any related to me by an insane guy.

"Hindu Floaty-thing?"