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Epth is a state of mind, not a place. Reading this will give you a virtual drivers license in that state, but you'll still need to be 21 to purchase alcohol. And you can't get any there anyway, so stop asking.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

I'm Just Going to Sit Here and Ashlee Simpson Plastic Surgery a While

Yesterday came bearing jury duty. Don't tell anyone, but I was not among the lucky 18 chosen to judge one of my unfortunate peers. I just sat in the courtroom for a while, got sworn in, and sat there as the Prosecutor told us to be honest with him so he could properly choose which old people he wanted on his hand-picked "hang-em!" jury. Seriously -- he just skipped over the under-30 crowd altogether, and only took a couple of 30 to 45-year-olds. I don't know if he thought we were dumb or sympathetic to the defense or what. Anyway, his green suit was ugly and I'm glad I didn't have to stare at it all day.

Observation: People who appeal to "trial by jury" in traffic cases are insane. There's got to be a theoretical reason for it, but in practice the deck is stacked against you. That 6-person "jury" is instructed that extenuating circumstances are to be ignored, and they don't have the leeway to find you not guilty of something a cop says you did. Therefore, you might as well go before the judge and take your lumps. Who knows? You may get "Judge Softie," who will let you off because he's a self-loathing crime-enabler.

After I picked up my 6 bucks at the window, I walked outside to this scene: A scowling black guy who looked about 20 years old in a black camaro, being yelled at by an older hispanic lady in a business suit. Next to the car was a hispanic girl of about 14, wearing the shortest skirt I have ever seen in public. The lady turned to yell at the girl, "Yes, I'm going to tell him! He's going to find out! Don't you think he won't find out!" At that point, the guy in the car sped off, squealing the tires like a ticked-off person. I had walked past them and didn't want to stare, but I looked back a couple of seconds later and the woman and the girl were gone. They must have rushed into the courthouse. I'm thinking skirt girl should have been in school, since it was 9:40am on a Wednesday. I'm also thinking she's in big trouble when dad finds out she's been cavorting around with a 20-year-old, especially since he has a camaro. But why did this all happen in front of everytone at the courthouse?

ENTERTAINMENT CRUD: If you go to the Entertainment Tonight front page right now, you'll see a bunch of disturbing stuff: Amy Fisher and Joey Buttafucco get married (not to each other), which is bad because we shouldn't know who they are. Kobe and his creepy yet beautiful "money wife" had a baby girl, which is bad because they're destined for divorce. And finally, the remaining Pointer Sisters are fighting over the now-dead June Pointer's remains. One sister, Bonnie, wanted her buried. The rest have already cremated her, a process Bonnie claims is like "Burning in Hell." This is just speculation, but I'm betting they did it just to punish Bonnie for pursuing a solo career in the 80's.

June was unavailable for comment.


  • At 8:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I actually watched this one in a graduate level film course that focused on Road Movies. There are some pretty interesting parallels to Bonnie and Clyde, along with a few others.

  • At 8:22 AM, Blogger Mike Pape said…

    Not surprising, since Lynch loves to call back to other movies in whatever genre of film he's working in.

    I'm assuming you're commenting on Wild at Heart and not Ashlee.


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