This is Epth Nation

Epth is a state of mind, not a place. Reading this will give you a virtual drivers license in that state, but you'll still need to be 21 to purchase alcohol. And you can't get any there anyway, so stop asking.

Monday, June 12, 2006

The New Face of Failure

The USA is down 2-0 in their most important game in this "World Cup." It also happens to be their first game, so we went from overhype to crushing disappointment in about half an hour. I've been watching the game, and I don't understand what's so great about this current US team. I liked them better when they were underdogs. They're playing sloppier soccer than Angola, for Pete's sake. They look like a high school team out there. It takes them 10 seconds to get the ball out of bounds, and all their passes seem to be aimed at the heads of the Czech Republic players.

The big question now is if the USA can recover from this loss, and if they can't, who do we root for? The obvious choice is England, since only about 70% of their country hates us. And had they not tried that taxation without representation crapola, we might still be the dirty English. Second choice? Mexico, because they'll be a part of us soon anyway. We will assimilate them like the Borg. Plus, they beat those nuclear Iranians 3-1 yesterday. Brazil has a bunch of cool players that do bits (such as dribbling with one's head or going by one's first name), and they came up with churrascarias. I suggest we implement a Monroe Doctrine of sorts here...we root for the New World against the Old World. Get off our land, European Union. Or...allow us to beat us on your land, I mean.

Also, it's hard to root against African countries. It's hard to root against people who need food.

Also, it's ghostly weird to have them playing in the stadium at Nuremberg. Maybe this Germany thing wasn't such a good idea. Can Europe ever get out from under Hitlers shadow? Maybe this so-called World Cup will help.

Note I never mentioned whether or not I thought the US could recover. I figure they'll micraculously tie Italy and beat Ghana, and the Republic of Czech will miraculously lose to Ghana and Italy, and the US will squeak into round two where they will lose 5-0 to Brazil because they'll never be able to get the ball from the head-dribbling guy.

Oh, did I say they were losing 2-0? I meant 3-0. Soccer is so harrrrd. I'm ready for football season.


  • At 11:35 PM, Anonymous millertimefan said…

    Read this earlier this week. Today's game and your post reminded me of it:

    "Unless, of course, you happen to be [Brady Poppinga] ...who once said of soccer: "I just don't like to run without hitting people.""

    ps wish we wouldn't have missed you guys in the 'Lou, would have been a lot of fun, let us know next time, yo

  • At 8:13 AM, Blogger Dan said…

    Gotta love that Poppinga.

  • At 5:58 PM, Blogger Mike Pape said…

    looks like the US team took that Poppinga quote to heart.

    And we didn't have any time to visit in St. Louis. My whole family was there, and I haven't seen some of them in ages. I'm coming there in July to play video games, and I will have some time then.

  • At 3:55 PM, Blogger jill said…

    No, you're right, Stolli. We are dumb. I was pretty sick that weekend, though, so I couldn't have held your babies.


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