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Epth is a state of mind, not a place. Reading this will give you a virtual drivers license in that state, but you'll still need to be 21 to purchase alcohol. And you can't get any there anyway, so stop asking.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006


I've put myself in the unenviable position of having been sucked in by both Beauty and the Geek and the Flavor Flav VH1 Dating trainwreck Flavor of Love. This means that yes, I probably need to stop watching so much TV in the little free time I have; and yes, I probably am stupid. So score one for my detractors. I end up blogging about TV a lot because it's a subject I can gloss over and summarize instead of having to unpack everything second-by-second, except when someone like Ahh-vah from My Super Sweet Sixteen is involved.

About Flavor of Love -- it's probably the worst show, in terms of having a point, that I've ever seen. Think about it: A dating show where the winner gets to date (?) Flavor Flav. And his omnipresent clock. I repeat, that's what the winner gets. The losers have to go home knowing that a) they probably just dodged a bullet, and b) they were just competing for a tore-up guy who often works a viking helmet into his wardrobe, and lost.

Having said that, Mr. Flav is a sympathetic figure on the show. He's a guy anyone could see hanging out with and having fun with for a while. He's warm, caring, good-natured, kinda funny, totally down-to-earth, often surprisingly lucid, and extremely committed to getting some "love" from these dumb hot-to-semihot girls who want to win his affection. I mean, that's what the show appears to be designed around -- his libido. Last episode there were two dates, two makeout sessions, a mud bath, nude showering, and gosh-knows-what-else between he and Pumkin in that room.

Oh, and this should tell you something about the show's views of the contestants on the show w/r/t their dignity and worth as human beings -- each one uses a Flav-given nickname in lieu of their real name. So it's "Hoops" "Pumkin" "Hottie" "New York" "Goldie" "Oyster" and so on instead of real human girls. I guess it makes the show more honest, since most people on reality shows just play a role anyway. But it seems more like Flav's the Emperor and this is his harem. It doesn't help that all the girls worship him, even when he's wearing the viking horns. They all seem to think that Flav is "meant to be" their "man." It must be a cultural thing, because I don't understand it. Good TV, though, especially when New York and Pumkin get into a fight next week -- Rawr.

I say, don't waste your time, ladies -- Hoops is going to be the winner, and you can take that to the clock-shaped bank. Is this show really that predictable? How about this -- New York gets eliminated next week. She's only been kept this long because she's freaky good TV and a colossial you-know-what to the other girls. That leaves Pumkin and Hoops, and while Flav is not afraid of controversy, picking a girl as brightly white as Pumkin is just not an option. So Hoops, the best-looking girl from the start, will win. This is as easy as Elimidate, people, come on.

Too Much TV.


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