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Epth is a state of mind, not a place. Reading this will give you a virtual drivers license in that state, but you'll still need to be 21 to purchase alcohol. And you can't get any there anyway, so stop asking.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Reality Shows Lead to Breakups

I'll spare you the links to the stupid stories, but you need to know of an epidemic that's sweeping the nation: Couples from "We're so stinking in love" reality-TV shows are breaking apart like Baghdad buildings.

Overrated guitarist Dave Navarro and former "Dumbest Woman in the World" contestant Carmen Electra are calling it quits. Their show was nothing but lies.

Off-puttingly overmohawked Blink-182 drummer (Something) Barker is getting divorced from his unlikely wife, former Miss USA (?) and clean blonde southern belle Shanna Moakley. The kicker? He's filing for divorce from her. This was another show that was filled with lies, and I think theirs went two seasons.

Not to spoil the second lumbering season of The Hills, but Lauren and that terrible stumpman Jason have broken up. Yeah, this was bound to happen, but we'll count it as part of the epidemic anyway. I'm sure she'll take him back for no reason again in 6 months, because that's what girls who drop out of college do.

...that came out way too judgey, and I apologize. But girl's gotta learn before she ends up married to a Jason or a Talan or a Stephen or some other blank piece of doo-doo with too much money and no soul. Jason practically had horns. What took her so long?

These three join Flav and Brigitte, Nick and Jessica, Flav and Hoopz, and countless other bachelors and bachelorettes who have "found love" on the TV. Rob and Ambuh, Wes and Cher (from Beauty and the Geek II, which nobody besides me watched), Brady Bunch and Model-Chick, and the Osbournes had better watch out before they find themselves on opposite sides of the canyon of love.


  • At 8:56 AM, Blogger jill said…

    Lauren didn't drop out of school. She went to school and interned like a mo-fo. That was Heidi. And Lauren called Heidi dumb. Or she thought it. We know what that eye-roll meant.

  • At 9:41 PM, Blogger Mike Pape said…

    Didn't Lauren go to some school and come back to Laguna to be dumped on by those boys -- like UCLA or something? But you would know. ;)


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