This is Epth Nation

Epth is a state of mind, not a place. Reading this will give you a virtual drivers license in that state, but you'll still need to be 21 to purchase alcohol. And you can't get any there anyway, so stop asking.

Friday, March 18, 2005

S/S/Not Updating Very Much

To paraphrase the great Tony Bennett, "It's the most wonderful time...of the year". No, not that festival of light and cold and consumer spending known as Christmas. This is a better time. No, not St. Patrick's day, the day we celebrate St. Patrick getting drunk. It's just a coincedence that this Time of Year happened on March 17th.

Of course, I'm talking about the NCAA Tournament. 4 days and 4 nights of talented kids trying as hard as they can in an athletic endeavor we call basketball. And even on years like this year, where there are very few upsets and a lot of teams winning comfortably, it's still awesome. I took off work for it, in fact. Here are some observations/stories from the past few days, mostly not involving the Tournament:

I went to a Hooter's for the first time, and I gotta say, I don't get the "nude pantyhose and shorts" look. It seems like they could do better, but they're stuck in it because it's what people expect when they come to Hooter's. And even young inappropriate men must admit that the Breastaurant* concept is really silly, from the double-entendre name to the underwear-esque outfits to the TV overload to the hula hoops. The buffalo chicken sandwich I had was awesome, however. I went with the wife, because it seems less wrong that way, don't you think? She says that most guys would want a wife who would go to Hooters with them, and I do like that, but I think most guys go to Hooter's to escape from their wives. It's like their Safe House, or what we referred to as "Ghoul" when I was a kid. And she said she wouldn't want to work there because (paraphrasing) she wouldn't trust the customer's intentions. I put that really mildly, btw. I agree with her, and the customers give off a vibe I can only describe as inappropriate. Or sad.
But Jill did get a little basketball hoop/ball for her classroom, as well as bragging rights for being the most beautiful girl there (it being the kind of place you are constantly wondering if guys are looking at your wife, because females=eye magnets there). Are you gagging right now? Good.

We went to a different Breastaurant, Skoots, on Thursday. We are way more familiar with Skoots, since it is right by our home and in the same parking lot as where I work. My wife noticed a waitress confrontation there, and we theorized a fistfight happened after the two girls went in the back room. But we could see no physical evidence of such a fight, so it probably never happened. My wife (being the one who talks to strangers) asked our cleavagey waitress Nicolette why there was so much waitress turnover there, and she danced around the reason for a while by saying, "Well, some girls work out and other's don't", "The management wants the girls to have a certain look", and so on. What she really meant is fat=fired.

I'm going to Austin tomorrow and coming back Sunday, so I probably won't post again until then. We're going to see a band called Wandering Sons, who are playing in Austin at the same time as South by Southwest. I should be a crazy time. Maybe I'll do a photo essay! Don't hold your breath.

Later, dudes.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Wednesday is news day.

As if I were a better blog, I will now WOW you all, my beloved readers, with up-to-the-minute news. But first, remember that whole "Anthrax" scare after September 11th, 2001? The scare that killed 5 old people and anthraxed up 17 more? That was wacky. And remember how a post office in D.C. thought there was anthrax on one of it's machines? Well, it didn't. And remember when we thought the Pentagon's air ducts were crawling with anthrax? Well, they weren't. Here's the story. (courtesy the New Scientist, whatever that is. Maybe this so-called "New Scientist" can come up with evidence for Naturalistic Evolution, because the old one sure couldn't)

Newsy News:
There may be worse places in the world to crash-land, but not many. Either 27 or 32 people die as a plane crashes in the "Russian Arctic". (courtesy ABC news, who seems to be as befuddled as I am about the conflicting numbers)

Apocalyptic story of the day: If we get hit with a French dirty bomb, that would just seal it. The French aren't guarding their stinking plutonium properly, so says one guy. (again, the New Scientist)

Iraq Update: The new Parliament is sworn in among mortar explosions, providing a fitting point/counterpoint for the situation there. It's not Democracy vs. Despotism (like it would be in Civilization III), it's Democracy vs. "Let's kill everyone and blow stuff up". (courtesy Fox News, which loves war, according to some.)

This is why you get the Jag with the sunroof: it gives you a better angle when you want to kill your enemies. Of course, you do that once and you'd better dump the Jag somewhere, because people are going to notice someone popping out of the Jag's sunroof with a high-powered rifle and killing people. I can't wait for the arrests, because these are people who need to be paraded around Dallas and mocked for their wasted potential. Let's see: Jag + Automatic weapons = Drug Dealer? BTW, for those of you who know Dallas at all, this happened right by the Virgin Megastore on Central Expy. (courtesy the Dallas Morning News, registration required)

"Dating non-church members is discouraged". This shooting last week hit close to my heart since I grew up in a suburb of Milwaukee (not Brookfield, though, thank God. That place is like schmuckville* or something). Also, after Fight Club, shouldn't we immediately be suspicious of those who make their own soap? I know, I know -- I shouldn't make light of such a situation, especially considering my ties to the area. My point is that there were warning signs here that people ignored. You can't get to the point where you want to kill yourself and take a few with you without dropping some hints to that effect. This story is a prime example of why all people need to be cared for by society (and by that I don't mean "The Goverment", you liberal weenies, I mean "us"). (courtesy the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, registration required)

*bonus points for getting this reference.

More news as it happens, or at least as I discover it...

Monday, March 14, 2005

Sorry about the lack of updates...

But I was sick, and the NCAA Tournament happened, leaving me no time for goofing off in written form. Have no fear, though, for Wednesday will continue to be News Day. Ok, maybe have a little fear.

If any of my readers wants to do this they are welcome.

Pape NCAA Tournament Pool 2005

You knew it was going to arrive, and yet it still snuck up on you. It’s Pool time again!

<>As always, there is no cost to enter, since the pool program is already paid for. Don’t send us any money, or we will be forced to use it in non-Pool-related ways. The winner will receive a To Be Announced prize that totally depends on who the winner is. What a great world.

The points breakdown is the same as last year, and is as follows: 5 for a first round win, 7 for a second round win, 11 for a third round win, 20 for a Final Four team, 35 for a Final Two team, and 50 points for the Champion. If you get your picks in by Tues. night, you can get one point for predicting the winner of the play-in game (terrible Oakland or weakly Alabama A&M). Otherwise, all picks must be in by the time the first game tips off on Thursday. I will be off work Tuesday evening and Thursday morning, so if you hate technology so much you have to call your picks in, those would be the best times. The best way, of course, is through e-mail. The best part is, there are like three addresses you can use:,, or Jill at You can’t say we didn’t give you options.

This year’s Pool promises to be the biggest yet, because if your picks aren’t in by Thursday, I will be harassing you. I want a bunch of Nephews in this year (and possibly Nieces as well), because they are so much fun.

People get ready, because the Madness has begun.