This is Epth Nation

Epth is a state of mind, not a place. Reading this will give you a virtual drivers license in that state, but you'll still need to be 21 to purchase alcohol. And you can't get any there anyway, so stop asking.

Friday, September 23, 2005

Digital Camera Day

My digital camera conked out about a month ago, falling victim to what I call Premature Lens Death. It's when the camera looks like it's taking a picture, and acts like it's taking a picture, but it ain't taking no picture. This is a known problem with the Minolta Dimage X2, but it wasn't known when I bought it. I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that if I had purchased the #$*&@ extended warranty I would not have to be buying this new camera today. However, it is always fun to buy a new camera. So there. That doesn't really help. is great for evaluating things like this. I was deciding between 2 similarly-priced cameras and I looked on Amazon and found that one got horrible reviews and one got great reviews. I picked the one that got the horrible reviews as punishment for not getting the extended warranty the first time around. I'm just kidding, of course.

This may be my last transmission until Monday, at which time I'm sure to have lots of pictures of my leg cramps. Keep Jammin' until then.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Thanks to my readers last tuesday...

...for giving me my biggest day ever. 33 unique people visited! It's so very exciting.

Hurrcane Rita Latest: Now they're ("they" being Big Weather, or the Powers That Be in the Weather Prediction World) saying It's going to hit EAST of Galveston, which is good for all those people who are evacuating (and clogging up Dallas highways right now, btw) that city, but bad for the people it hits obviously. This will also bring it closer to Louisiana. The winds that pushed it north also weakened it considerably, so maybe we'll be ok.

A Word About Arrested Development: Filthy. The first episode was very very funny, but was filled to the brim with double entendres and nearly unthinkable references to hot-button events, such as the Susan Smith Kid Killing Case. It was only on during the "family hour" because most of the filthy references were so fast and vague that kids (and non-entendre-minded adults) wouldn't even notice them. Anyway, I'm sorry if it offended anyone out there in my audience of 33.

Advance Warning: Papa John's is coming out with a pan-style crust. It's all very hush-hush, but I can tell you that: It's square, and cut into triangles like a circular pizza. And no, that doesn't make sense, and yes, I told my Manager that, and no, it didn't make a difference because the charts have all been printed already, and it's way too late to make suggestions like that.
Word on the street is it tastes great -- I put this in just to be positive about Papa for once in my life.

I'm flying up to Milwaukee tomorrow to avoid the hurricane and run in Al's Run, to benefit the Chidren's Hospital there. It's going to be fun -- We're going to try to run 5 miles (perhaps not possible with my gut), and then we're going to go over to my brother Doug's house for an after running gathering. There are more than 100 people running, so I don't know where he's going to fit them all. Then, on Sunday, we're going to fly back and see if our apartment is still there. I hate hurricanes.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

If you watched the season premiere of Arrested Development, and judging by the numbers you haven't, then check this out:

Fall TV Preview -- Part III

Ok, so there are some networks that nobody watches, but I'm going to cover them anyway for the sake of completeness.

The WB -- Where Old Shows Go to Slowly Die.

Just Legal -- That guy from Undeclared plays an 18-year-old lawyer prodigy who gets hired by seedy recovering alcoholic Don Johnson. A hot black ex-con works in the office. Basically, it's Doogie Howser meets Undeclared meets Nash Bridges meets She Spies meets The Practice. All they need now is a house boat with an alligator or Phillip-Michael-Thomas.

Related -- Four sisters who looks nothing alike (i.e., one has a serious case of horse-face but the others don't), live together in Manhattan and try to deal with the fact that their show wasn't good enough to be on one of the Big Four networks. They've invented their own card game whose rules are too complicated for anyone but them to understand! They're so precious! They're so totally related! Ugh. To paraphrase Toto, "It would take a lot to make me watch this show, that's something that 100 men on board could never do."

Supernatural -- Two hot guys travel the U.S. in a '67 Impala, fighting supernatural forces and trying to find their missing father. It's an odd idea for a show, and the potential for unintentional comedy via bad special effects is off the charts, but I'm a little intrigued. Let's hope the don't do a Buffy or Charmed (2 other supernatural WB shows) and create their own half-butted mythology based on some hack's bad imagination.

Twins -- From the evil producers of Will & Grace comes this show about fraternal twins who -- get this -- couldn't be more different! What a twist! Actually, a real twist would be if they turned out to be exactly the same. Now that would be fun. Anyway, this show will suck, but listen to this cast: Sara Gilbert (the ugly acerbic one from Roseanne), Charity from Passions (are Passions actors allowed to get better jobs? I mean, if you've been on Passions, don't you just leave that as a "gap" in your resume'?), and Melanie Griffith. Yes, that Melanie Griffith. You want to watch it now, don't you?


Everybody Hates Chris -- The UPN reportedly have spent more money plugging this show than all its other show combined, so it had better be a hit. Chris Rock narrates the story of his wacky 13-year-old life. Yes, that makes it basically the black Wonder Years, but I'm not going to go for that cheap joke. Apparently, he had a two-hour bus ride to a predominantly white school every day in 1982. Alright, the 80's! Hopefully they'll have some moon boots. All I'm going to say is this: If Mr. Rock wasn't involved, I wouldn't give this show the time of day. I also have to wonder if CBS approved that title, and if so how much money the UPN paid to use it.

Love, INC -- If you don't believe a show with Busy Phillips on it could be that bad, just remember that she was on Dawson's Creek for a while. This comedy stars her and Holly Robinson-Peete as people who help losers find true love while they struggle to find it themselves. Yeah, it's the TV version of Hitch. Yeah, I wasn't interested in that, either.

Sex, Love, and Secrets -- Denise Richards, on what sub-basement floor will your falling career elevator stop? First you're knocked up and dumped by Charlie Sheen, and now you're doing a show on the UPN. It's a long way from Dr. Christmas Jones, isn't it? Anyway, this show is: 1) about a bunch of good-looking and morally-bankrupt Hollywood types; and, b) on the UPN. Do not watch under any circumstances.

Side note: Some have asked why do I call it "the UPN" as opposed to just "UPN"? Those people should stop noticing things.

Another Side Note: Do you realize that this summer the UPN had a show on called "
RU the Girl with T-Boz and Chili"? Do you realize that on this show, contestants fought to be the one T-Boz and Chili (of the group TLC) chose to record their next single with them? Do you realize that T-Boz and Chili said last night on their updated and "final" Behind the Music that TLC was done and that there was just no replacing Left Eye? Do you realize that the winner of this reality show got to perform with T-Boz and Chili onstage? I'm just asking if you realize all this, because I don't. I can't make sense of it.

Side note #3: Epth Nation has learned that Michael Vaughn's death on
Alias will predictably not be a "death" in the sense that he's fired from the show, but will be an Alias-style death more in line with Irina Derevko's. This news has put some spring back into the step of Alias Nation, who were starting to go collectively ape-crap about it.

Finally, HBO is running the Ricky Gervais vehicle Extras, and I hope the relevant people out there are listening when I say that I would really be looking forward to this if I had HBO.

Monday, September 19, 2005

Arrested Development Premiere Tonight...

Plus, I like totally bought the DVD for Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy on Saturday, and then I totally watched it. It was still fun the second time around, and I liked the "really deleted scenes," but I don't know how many more times I'm going to want to watch it. I do need to go through the two commentary tracks, though. Jill is totally rolling her eyes right now.

The Pack -- 0-2. :{(. That's a guy with a moustache frowning.

We had inventory here at work yesterday, and I won, but I think the store lost. Lots of people had been walking out the door with things, apparently. I hate this, because they have a big meeting where Poirot walks out and basically says, "The culprit is somewhere in this room." It turns everybody on edge. It's like we're in Russia and encouraged to spy on each other and mistrust each other. Then, we start voting each other out of the store. I don't know, it sounded like Survivor for a second there.

Speaking of Survivor, did y'all see Bibby Jim and his eyes rolling back into his head? He looked like a heroin addict! And an 11 mile jungle-riffic hike! Wow! They should have told us they were going to try to kill the contestants -- ratings would have skyrocketed! Seriously, this may actually not suck. When I told you to "bank on that" 2 posts ago...well, the season is still young, but I may have to write a retraction. I just can't believe they brought back Stephenie and her severe eyebrows. And don't even get me started on Gary Hogeboom. What does that guy need money for? And will the dubiously hot "sports radio host" in the omnipresent Chiefs cowboy hat recognize him? And do you realize that Ibrahim was one racially motivated Bibby Jim back-stabbing away from having another chance at a million dollars? How do you think he, those two bland lovebirds, tattooed Angie, and the rest of those losers feel about being called the most pathetic tribe ever?

Plus, I loved the immunity challenge, which injured one old guy and smooshed the feet of at least 2 others. This season's brutal. People are being voted off out of mercy instead of evil this time. I can't wait to see who pops a bicep next.