This is Epth Nation

Epth is a state of mind, not a place. Reading this will give you a virtual drivers license in that state, but you'll still need to be 21 to purchase alcohol. And you can't get any there anyway, so stop asking.

Saturday, July 31, 2004

Don't worry, I've got more

I haven't stopped. We've had a big sale at work that not only has kept me there an extra day this week, but also makes me actually WORK at work. Forget this. I saw a really bad movie last week. I cannot wait to do a recap of it.

Thursday, July 29, 2004


Just to let you know, in case you're thinking of buying one of those extended warranties they offer with your next laptop computer purchase, if you let roaches live and breed in that laptop, your warranty will be voided.

If only a customer we had today would have known that -- he could have avoided looking like both a jerk and a moron when he said, "I'll see you in court." Yeah, only if we sue you for bringing the roaches into our service environment, jerk.

(important note: currently I work in the service department of a computer store. This is not a net positive.)

You can also assume that what goes for roaches also goes for any other member of the animal kingdom. Don't let a queue of monkeys into your laptop computer, because you'll be out a computer, as well as some monkeys. And if you try to get around it by claiming it just broke, and then the monkeys showed up as if out of the air, attracted to the scent of broken electronics, and they proceeded to mate on it, and smash it, and generally act like monkeys in its general vicinity, and so your warranty should not be voided because the laptop was the one that conjured the simian problem by breaking in the first place, and you expect the computer to not only be fixed, but also that the warranty company find a home for the result of the monkey mating session, which is none other than a bunch of baby monkeys, which also get into the laptop, and can break even smaller electronic parts with their underdeveloped baby hands...

They won't believe you, and neither will a judge. Animals and laptops don't mix, kind of like milk and cola or Blacks and Mormons. Never forget that.


Wednesday, July 28, 2004

Alright, all of this is old news but...

Earth to Baby Boomers…

Your Icons Suck

Your Decision-Making Process Sucks

YOU are the Parents, not the School System

Your President is a Boob

The Country Was Better Off Before You Got Here

Vietnam was Your Fault

That Guilt You Feel is Destroying Us

Drugs Are Bad…No, Really, They Actually Are.

There is But One Reason For Divorce

Who Do You Think You Are?

Would You Do Some Parenting, Already?!

You Were Wrong About the Drugs

You Were Wrong About the Sex

You Were Wrong About the Rock n’ Roll

We Are Not Generation X Anymore

Your Parents Were Right After All

Your Taste in TV Shows Sucks

The Supreme Court Justices Should Not Be Viewed As Gods

Movies Are Better Now Than They Were When You Were Young

You Are Shallow, Mushy-Headed, Double-Minded, Superficial, and Boorish

Maybe You Should Rethink That Whole Hippie Thing

Maybe You Should Rethink That Whole Yuppie Thing

Your View Of God Sucks

Your Constant Complaining is Killing Us

Rock n’ Roll is Not The Be-All and End-All of Music

Your Feminism Has Gutted Our Society

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

rebuttal to below thing

The Simpsons is on like episode 300, so eat it, Kill Me Now Guy.

Kill Me Now, pt. 1

14 total episodes of "The Office", including 2 Christmas Specials.
18 total episodes of "Freaks & Geeks".
1 buzillion total episodes of "Will and Grace", and still going strong.

Kill Me Now

Monday, July 26, 2004

Mexican Trash TV

There's a channel in Dallas, Channel 29, that has all sorts of mexican knock-offs of trashy American TV programs. They have 2 Jerry-Springer-type shows, one hosted by a hot blonde older Mexican woman (Maria Laria, who is also a concert pianist - I googled her) who has a voice that is a cross between Cyndi Lauper and a circular saw. It's the vocal equivalent of a cheese grater. The other show, "Jose Luis Sin Censura", is even wilder than Springer, with literall everyone in the audience willing and able to throw down with any of the people on stage at any moment. Both shows, like Sproinger, have a veritable army of huge muscly dudes that are paid to break up fights. On these Mexican shows, they let the fights go a few more seconds, though. The end product is a wild and pointless orgy of pseudoreal violence. It's fun. If you're able to, I would definitely check them out.

They also copy dating shows with the "this-is-how-you'd-expect-a-low-budget-dating-show-to-look" Buscando Amor, where a guy and a girl in studio comment on a date that 2 average-to-good-looking people are having. The best parts of the dates, imo, are the cruddy restaurants the producers spring for -- I've actually seen a date end up at Arby's -- and the cruddy hot tub that the producers provide, which many dates either sink or swim in, literally. It's fun to watch dates storm out in a huff when a hot tubbing is requested.

The really fun thing I discovered just today is a cross between "Jose Luis Sin Censura" and "Divorce Court". There, they have one huge baliff try to stop the guy and the girl who's relationship has soured from b-slapping each other into the first row. Then witnesses come in for each of the parties, and they start fighting as well. The judge pounds his gavel a lot and yells a lot, and manages to look surprised when the wife's brother tackles the husband as the husbands' sister pushes the wife into a wall. Great fun.

They also show terrible, terrible Mexican action movies that make my dog ill. Or maybe that's just his food.