This is Epth Nation

Epth is a state of mind, not a place. Reading this will give you a virtual drivers license in that state, but you'll still need to be 21 to purchase alcohol. And you can't get any there anyway, so stop asking.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Let's Give Thanks for Ron Dayne

Just when I think there's nowhere to go but up, Ron Dayne comes along and destroys the Cowboys to make this a happy Thanksgiving. Not that I necessarily want the Cowboys destroyed (which I unnecessarily do), but it's Ron Dayne -- a Heisman Trophy running back from Wisconsin -- that did them in. You really can't ask for much more out of a football game than that.

Not only that, but I'm scheduled to work at 8am tomorrow. The store opens at 6am for the post-thanksgiving craziness, and I probably won't get to see any of it. I love it when things come together like that. I'm not happy about going to work, but I'm confident my whole experimental time at this job is coming to an end, and soon. Poking the sleeping giant wasn't a good idea on their part. I'm not an orange -- you can't squeeze me and expect more to come out. Rather, I'm like a transdimensional death orange -- squeeze me and I disappear.

Sorry I've been so surly lately. I should probably quit posting from work for a while...wait, that's crazy talk.

Hey, just to clarify something that may not be clear -- I'm really a good employee, or have been up until next week. I've done every insane thing they ask (within reason) and done it well. I help out other people there all the time, too. But this week has just been madness. And if you think I'm disgruntled, you should see the other long-time workers there. The only happy people you see there are salespeople (because they make all the commissions) and the Managers (because they stand to get bonuses and justify their existences). Everyone else wants to kill something, and the sale's only been going on for 6 days. We have 7 more weeks of this! There may not be a store when it's all over, with all the potential "Milton's" all over the place.

Not only that, but get this -- our "incentive plan" for the service department just went into effect. That means that if we reach certain numbers, everyone in the department gets up to 27 extra bucks a week in our paycheck. It's supposed to encourage teamwork, and that's good. But guess what? Every minute they call on me to do something stupid is a minute I'm away from helping out the service department in their cause to get more money. You can see how this creates a crappy situation that nobody likes. I mean, 27 bucks isn't a lot, but it has become symbolically important ever since they decided to work against us having it. When they make me do the job I hate, they get to have better numbers and look better in front of the home office wanks that are lurking all over the place. Meanwhile, we lose money and look worse at our jobs. The more I think about it, the more I think I better be getting a Christmas bonus this year. And by "bonus," I don't mean a December hot-dog cookout, either. You just know that's what they're planning.

I'm as angry as I've ever been at an employer, and I realize it's my fault for being there so long. This big sale has been in the works for six months, and there were signs that Management was not interested in their employees benefitting from it. I'm about 3 more bad days from calling the company a Bad One to Work For, and I've never been tempted to do that before. I guess I'm just blessed. And thankful.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Wednesday is not News Day

I don't have time to recap any news today, since work is only now returning to relative normalcy after two days of absolute chaos (and it must be pointed out that chaos is still out there lurking, it just hasn't made its way over to service yet today). Also, they found a bunch of empty boxes, meaning someone (in our own workforce!) is stealing stuff, and this after we implemented the draconian loss prevention policies that have cost so many employees so much time in the past month. This is just like gun-control. Loss Prevention policies only punish the law-abiding because the law-breakers will still win. Oh, well -- my many and various bosses can at least claim they did something, even if that something cost the company lots of time and money and didn't actually solve the problem. I suppose this sort of failure goes on just about everywhere these days.

I'm being absolutely attacked by faxes right now. Since I started this post, the fax machine has rung at least 5 times. That's a sure sign of coming chaos. Let's go see what they are. Hopefully they're unsolicited stock tips or weight loss advertisements. That's useful. Hold on... was actually only two things, even though I swear it rang 5 times. That means we theoretically lost three important faxes. Oh, well. I'm sure they'll call back. Hey, I gotta deal with one of these faxes, so if you don't hear from me until after Thanksgiving (not likely), then it ate me, so divide up my belongings.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

I've Been Racking my Brain...

(generic white businessman or cold blooded killer?)
...trying to think of how yesterday could have been worse, and I haven't thought of a way. I guess the 19-pizza order I took could have stiffed me. That may have sent me over the edge. But the rest of it was about as bad as it could possibly have been.

That's why I bought peanuts. Peanuts I just remembered were in my drawer here at work. (Chomp.)

Paul Edinger is quickly becoming the new Fuad Reveiz. I'm almost certain I spelled both that first and last name wrong.

Darren Sharper is officially the player I hate most in the NFL, and #2 isn't even close.

But don't think for a minute that it was just the Packer game that bummed me out. The Bucks got blown out for the second straight game, both my jobs put me in contact with people who are dumb and don't care about me but can tell me what to do, and on top of that the soda machine at my real job was out of Mountain Dew. That was the last straw, and it happened at 10:30am. What a horrible day.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Thanksgiving in Name Only

The last thing we want to do in America today is give thanks. What do we have to be thankful for, anyway? We've got terrorists trying to kill us because we love freedom, an ever-increasing list of bills to pay for things we don't even need, no job security to speak of, and people trying to make us feel guilty for everything from eating meat to downloading music. These are indeed terrible times to be alive and American. Therefore, our national holiday of "Thanksgiving" has become just "Turkey Day" for most of us. It's no wonder the day has become mostly about these 10 things (in reverse order for maximum suspense):

10) Tofurky as a political/social statement (for those non-eaters out there).
9) Pre-Kwanzaaaaa hype and preparation.
8) The Pilgrims, who came over here just to discover turkey, and for no other reason.
7) Pies, lots of pies.
6) The Native Americans whom we wronged so greviously. In fact, get off our land.
5) Joining it with Halloween to make a sort of "Fall Harvest mish-mash of fun."
4) Getting up at 4am to get that $5 toaster at Wal-mart, while supplies last.
3) Four-day weekend, beeatches.
2) Tryptophan. I mean, turkey.
1) NFL Football, which includes John Madden and his inane "turducken."

Bob n' Brian are Finally Streaming.

Only 8 years too late, the legendary Milwaukee morning radio show Bob n' Brian has begun streaming their show over the internet. It seems to have happened largely because the station they broadcast from (102.9 in Milwaukee) changed from their longtime monicker of "Lazer 103" to "102.9 the Hog." If only they would have done this sooner! I got to hear them talk to Steve Czaban today live for the first time in years. In fact, I'm amazed he's on the show since he has a nationally syndicated morning show of his own to do. Anyway, this is important to me alone in the Dallas metroplex, and that's the way I like it -- I am unique and misunderstood. I'm so misunderstood I'm almost misundazstuud or however that chick spells it.

I'll now be able to choose between the Ticket and the Hog every morning, at least until the Man tells me not to stream anymore. He's so unreasonable sometimes.